As a Jewish mother, and someone who grew up with very strict parents and rules, this is a hard post for me to write. I mean, dropping out of ANYTHING was just not part of my family’s vocabulary. In all seriousness though, when John and I started parenting, one of the things we talked about was how we would handle a situation where one of our kids would want to drop out of a program. Looking back on it, it was one of those —>
“Once upon a time, I was a perfect parent! Then I had children. The end!”
John and I decided that if we signed the kids up for an activity, and they didn’t like it (for whatever reason), we wouldn’t let them drop out of it. Instead, we would let them see it through until the end, and then we would evaluate it again. What we wouldn’t do is take our kids out of the program just because they didn’t like it.
Well, that’s a very general statement with a lot of loopholes in it. For instance, one activity that I signed Kyle up for was one that I wanted him to participate it. Not him! It was Hebrew school. Kyle took such an interest in Jewish rituals and traditions after seeing his cousins so involved in it, I thought it would be a great fit and a way to satisfy my personal need for him to do / learn more about Judaism. Did he ask to do this program or have any interest in it? Not at all… In fact, I’m pretty sure he protested this program from the get-go. However, I was adamant, and I made my case – to both Kyle and John since it wasn’t cheap to say the least.
The second biggest issue that we ran into is that Kyle became very emotional and stressed out every time we spoke about going to Hebrew school. We realized that going to classes wasn’t more important than his well being. Especially since one hour (of the two hour program) was spent singing. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that, and I personally love the art element of the program, but that wasn’t why I signed him up. It ended up just being too long of a day for him after a full day at school. I get it – I despise the fact that kids have homework (that’s a whole other topic on its own), so I can see why he would be against another 2 hours of school after almost 7 hours of school.
When he first told us that he wanted to drop out, we didn’t give in immediately. Eventually, we decided that the should give the program at least two more tries. If he still didn’t like it, he can drop out. Ironically, he loved the next class he went to (I took him out early because we had somewhere to be). But the following class was the same old. Since he kept up to his end of the bargain, it was only right that we did the same.
And so, while not ideal or something that I ever imagined I would do, we pulled him out of the program. At first I was really upset and felt like a parenting failure. But looking back on it now I know it was the right decision and it doesn’t upset me one bit. Kyle is happier, less stressed, and we found a new way to provide him with the Jewish education I was hoping he would get from the class.
Hopefully though, this will be the last time this happens because MAN O MAN, these programs are expensive!!
Have you ever let your child drop out of a program that they didn’t enjoy?
Parenting is tough! Know IF your making the right decision at the right moment for the right reasons.
Same type of experience with my daughter. She took dance from a young age. As she got older we.she.dance company kept adding to her list of classes. Not only ballet but tap, dance, modern, jazz, etc etc. At first she loved it all but as school got more intense etc etc she got burnt out with everything. We (eventually) supported her request to quit all dance because high school was the priority. Ugg! Those decisions were tough though.
We took our kids out of skating when they were 4/5 because they we’re a danger to other kids, our oldest quit Tae Kwon Do which we fully supported because the teacher was a freaking nut.
We haven’t run into this same situation with programs we’ve tried, but I’m with you on your decision. A bummer about the cost, but it sounds like it was an important learning experience for you guys as parents. That said, I agree with you on the whole “you’ve made a commitment, so we’re sticking to it” thing too. Life isn’t black and white though, and this is a good model for your kids of the fact that sometimes you try something in life and realize it’s not right- you give it your very best and even then, you may have to change course.
Um totally can relate!!! I had signed my kids up for Greek school, and they went for a few weeks but hated every second. I also disliked the entire set-up as it was a program offered through the public school system, and classes were so full, and drop off/pick up was super stressful… so we quit! But if they ever come back to me and say, “Mom, you should have forced me to go!” when they’re older, I will scream! LOL
Hahah!! I hear ya on that one mama
We took our 4 year old out of Karate after only a couple weeks. We realized he just wasn’t ready and he kept saying he didn’t want to go. I thought he would like it cause he’s so into power rangers and anything fighting related and I also felt guilty about him being stuck at home all the time because he doesn’t go to preschool. We might try again when he’s more mature if he shows interest.
Sometimes it really is an age thing. My oldest son hated hockey when he first started (he was only 4 at the time) but now he’s absolutely obsessed with it. Same with skiing. Try again when he’s older and let him take the lead on picking out the activity. Good luck mama