If you were a fly on our bedroom wall at night you’d see our youngest son, a newborn, all 8 pounds of him, lying sprawled out on our king size TV bed from TV Beds Northwest. His arms are outstretched above his head, as if he’s giving himself a cheer. You’d also see that he’s lying in the middle of the bed, my husband and I are each on one side of him. You might guess that we’re following attachment parenting and are co-sleeping with our newborn.
If you were a fly on our wall, you’d see that when our newborn son, all 8 pounds of him, cries for food, I roll over to my side and breastfeed him while I continue to sleep, as much as one can while breastfeeding lying down not very comfortably. You would probably think to yourself, that’s one lazy parent!
Our newborn on our king size bed
Well, which one is it? Did we make a conscious decision to co-sleep or are we just being lazy? Neither really. We don’t follow attachment parenting (although our newborn does currently sleep with us, I feed on demand and I enjoy baby wearing), and we’re not lazy (completely). We’re just tired parents trying to “survive” the newborn phase so we can also be involved parents with our older sons (ages 1.5 and 4).
It’s funny really… with our first son, he slept in a bassinet and almost never in our bed until we transferred him to a crib. Our middle child was moved to the crib shortly after birth. But our third? Our youngest? Our forever “baby”? Apparently, we’ve “given-up”. But truly, we haven’t, just circumstances have changed and we now have three times as many little ones to care for since we established the initial “parenting rules.”
The bassinet sits empty ALL THE TIME…
Not only have the sleeping arrangements changed, but also the morning wake up routine. When our oldest son went through a phase of waking up at 5 AM, my husband got up with him. Now, when our middle child is going through the exact same phase, we’ve been bringing him into bed with us so we can extend our sleeping time (whether we actually get to sleep or not is another story). Hopefully, by the time our youngest goes through this crazy early-morning wake up phase, we can get our oldest son to just take care of him (wishful thinking, I know).
Since our society loves giving labels to just about everything, I’m going to label this type of parenting as Reality Parenting. It means that as a parent, you do what’s right for you and your family. You do what you have to do to stay sane and happy. That’s my reality at least… what’s yours?
So if you’re a a parent to two, three or more kids, did you find that you treated each one differently? At least when it came to the sleeping situation?
I love “reality parenting”… it’s very true. I’m not sure why society feels the need to label everything, but surviving from day to day without going crazy is what it boils down to. Every baby is different, with different sleeping patterns and you’ve just gotta roll with it. Kudos to you for “doing what you’ve gotta do”!
Sometimes my ten year old has my two year old sleep with her when the two year old wakes up really early. It doesn’t happen often but when it does it is great help…so there is hope!
Love this, Maya! I definitely agree that you have to do what works for your family 🙂
I co-slept with all 4 of my kids. It’s not lazy…it’s coping!
Love that!
We did the same exact thing. Its not lazy… Its smart!!! 🙂 Our baby slept in the bassinet for a long time, but eventually I was just tired of getting up 2 or 3 times a night, and she slept so much better between us. When she wanted to eat, I fed her, but didn’t have to completely wake myself up. You do what works for you!! Good job Momma! Found you on SavvyMom!! Love your posts!
Thanks Stacy. Appreciate your comment and support. I feel a new supportive movement between moms should start where we support one another regardless of our parenting choices.
Yep, three kids. The first one spent all her nights in the cradle & I struggled through nursing on the couch. The second one slept with me for a couple months & then I moved her to her crib & would bring her to bed when she woke up. The third claimed our bed for 6 months. It was purely a coping method. It is so easy to nurse & actually get some sleep. The funny thing is that I never really talked about it because I didn’t want to hear opinions from other people. Good luck! I like your posts (especially the three boys one, we have three girls & are also very happy!).
Lol. I hear you on the judgy thing. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s totally coping! And thanks for reading. Have a great weekend.
All three of our babies slept in our bed for a few of their first months and it was great! Especially with the first one. It took me a long time to understand why everyone thought I should be tired all the time – my baby and I would stay in bed until 10 most mornings! *
*First baby only. Reality kicked in quickly with the birth of #2 – baby #1 still expected breakfast, not brunch.
Haha. Love your last sentence. 🙂 oh how I wish I could redo the first year with my oldest. I would take better advantage of things like sleeping in…. Thanks for your comment.
I’d be more concerned about the 4 year old with a bottle then co-sleeping
Our first slept in bed cause that was the few short hours she slept. Our second because I was still exhausted with the first waking every 3 hours but our third sleeps in a crib in our room. And the older 2 sleep together in their own room!
I have a 7 month old who sleeps with me. I have tried to get him to sleep in his crib but he wont. I have tried letting him cry, soothing him, singing talking you name it. If he is in his crib he is awake every 45 minutes. If he sleeps with me it is 3 hours a time or more. So if momma wants to function then baby sleeps with me. Thats the only time I get any sleep. So anyone who wants to challenge me on this one bring it on lol! Whatever works for you wonderful parents who are just trying to get a good nights sleep!
First time mom here and I’ve co slept since day 1 even in the hospital… it just felt more natural to do that and way easier to breastfeed I’ve never fallen too heavily into sleep even at the slightest peep im aware she’s there 🙂
I have four, and I definitely LOVE the term “reality parenting!” I would often have my babies sleep with me in our bed, especially as newborns, but I soon found we all slept better with baby in a bassinette, and then we all slept better with baby in her own room. My philosophy is “do what works until it doesn’t work anymore; then do something else.” Good work advocating for flexible, guilt-free parenting! It’s the only way to do it with babies!
I wrote this post about parenting babies and how it’s just about survival; I think you’ll like it! :)http://twofunmoms.com/2014/06/dear-first-time-parents-of-babies-youre-doing-something-wrong/
We are guilt of this, although we put our 2 and 4 year old to sleep in there own beds, sometime during the night they both climb into our bed.
I believe its just easy to do this not being lazy , and yes we are all guilty of doing it , its what works for you 🙂
I think you have to do what is good for your family not what any book/movie etc. promotes. There is always a back story to every family. Great post, I enjoyed reading!
Call it whatever you want….but it works for us!!
Same here. Our first and for the most part our second kid slept in their own cribs and only in the morning would we bring them in to bed with us for some cozy hang out time. Our third – well she isn’t such a good sleeper and if she won’t settle after waking up screaming in the middle of the night and if we can’t get her to calm down and go back to sleep, she comes in to bed with us. We just don’t have the stamina to wait her out. It is a crappy sleep when she is in bed with us, but better than no sleep at all… Reality parenting for sure.
Here here!
I co-slept with both of my kids and now even with my grandkids sometimes and it’s not laziness…it’s living!