{"id":9006,"date":"2016-03-24T09:53:40","date_gmt":"2016-03-24T13:53:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mayahoodblog.com\/?p=9006"},"modified":"2016-03-24T17:27:28","modified_gmt":"2016-03-24T21:27:28","slug":"learn-become-mother-infertility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayahoodblog.com\/learn-become-mother-infertility\/","title":{"rendered":"When Did You Learn to Become A Mother?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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This is a guest post written by the lovely Wendy Litner of\u00a0<\/span>Sad in the City<\/a>. It is a very special post, and I really encourage you to read it and share with everyone you know. It’s important to me\u00a0<\/span>for three reasons.\u00a0 Number one:\u00a0<\/span>I have known Wendy since we met at our school’s Bat-Mitzvah program back in grade 6 and we were instant friends. She is not only bright and funny but she is the sweetest, most caring and loving person you could ever meet. Wendy can always make you feel 100 times better about yourself even if she might be having a crappy day herself. That my friends, is a quality not shared by many.\u00a0<\/span>Number two:<\/span>\u00a0Wendy has been openly sharing her experience and journey in infertility. She has written about it on her blog, Huffpost, and for Today’s Parent. She’s bringing a very important topic that might be taboo for some to the forefront, and she does it in a humorous but respectful way. I encourage you to read through her other posts and to learn more about the realities of those individuals who deal with infertility. Number three: Wendy is currently writing a web series called “How To Buy A Baby” based on her experience. I’ve watched the trailer and it’s really amazing. You can see more\u00a0<\/span>HERE!<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0So without further adieu, here is Wendy’s guest post:<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n

My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for years now with no end in sight, so, as you can imagine, it\u2019s extremely important that I lock down the kind of mother I am going to be as soon as possible. I think about it constantly. It started as a distraction from Googling \u201cvery, very early pregnancy symptoms\u201d during the two week wait of infertility treatment cycles, but it soon became something of an obsession.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did you know what to say just there?\u201d I\u2019ll ask my friend, Sarit, as I hear her over the phone answering one of her daughter\u2019s adorable questions. Sarit\u2019s tone is so calm, her words so knowing and loving. My pen and paper are at the ready.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did I say?\u201d she\u2019ll ask, as she comes back on. \u201cI don\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

I put my pen down.<\/p>\n

Is being a mother instinctual for everyone? Will it be this way for me?<\/p>\n

As virtually all my friends are parents, I see countless articles posted on Facebook about how to sleep train a baby in the gentlest way possible, how to talk to your toddler about their feelings, how to raise strong daughters and sensitive sons, and I will read them all. I\u2019ll read them and think about them and consider them and then I\u2019ll forward them to a folder in my Gmail named \u201cBaby?\u201d The question mark reminds me that I may or may not ever have one \u2013 a reminder you wouldn\u2019t think necessary as I take my sixth dose of hormones for the day, hoping that the embryo transferred into my uterus last week is implanting into the lining.<\/p>\n

\"Wendy\"<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy, though, to fall down this wormhole of advice and recommendations and best practices. It\u2019s even easier than you think to do when you don\u2019t actually have<\/em> a real, live baby- only a pretend one. Right now everything I read works like a charm! It helps to be prepared, to do something useful. I want to be a mother so desperately and because the success of every infertility treatment cycle is so completely out of my hands, I furrow my empty nest with information.<\/p>\n

But how did you all know what information is the right information? I imagine that the sweet little baby I dream of holding in my arms might not necessarily inherit its mother\u2019s love of reading and could very well come into this world not fully caught up on all the latest articles and parenting trends. What will I do then? I lost my own mother eleven years ago, and while I strongly disagree with virtually all of her mothering of me, it feels uncertain and terrifying still, to become a mother without my own to lean on.<\/p>\n

So I worry. I worry about the mother I am going to be to the baby I can\u2019t get pregnant with. Because I have tried so hard for this baby and have gone through so much to create them, I feel like they deserve the very best mother. Thinking this, I find myself quite out of nowhere the other day, talking to the little embryo that may or may not have implanted itself into my uterine lining. Could it know its future mother has no idea what she\u2019s doing? Could the other failed embryos have sensed my lack of confidence!? I lie back on the couch with a firm hand on my belly.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you feel me embryo?\u201d I reassure it. \u201cCan you feel my strength?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here for you,\u201d I say. \u201cWe\u2019ll figure this whole thing out together.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And we will, won\u2019t we? We\u2019ll figure this all out. I assure it that despite everything I\u2019ve read I have no expectations. I don\u2019t need him or her to be brilliant or talented or above-average in any way at all. Saying this out loud, I feel some of my fear begin to slip away. I\u2019m not trying to raise a super child here; just a child. And that child might not sleep through the night or be as in touch with their emotions as experts say they could be-but hopefully, no matter what I read, they\u2019ll just be kind. I just want them to be kind and I\u2019m not sure you can read that in an article. So until they get here, I will keep focusing on being kind to those around me myself. Should I be lucky enough to have a child at all, I just want them to have a good heart. I want them to love our cat and dog, care deeply about the planet, show tenderness and compassion to those around them. I hope they will rise and flourish in their own special way so that they may eventually grow up to write a blog post about how their mother did everything wrong.<\/p>\n

\"How<\/p>\n

Wendy is currently writing a web series about her experience with infertility, called \u201cHow To Buy A Baby.\u201d You can check out the trailer here: <\/em>https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=sLqSlmok9KA<\/em><\/a> or check them out at howtobuyababy.com.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a guest post written by the lovely Wendy Litner of\u00a0Sad in the City. It is a very special post, and I really encourage you to read it and share with everyone you know. It’s important to me\u00a0for three reasons.\u00a0 Number one:\u00a0I have known Wendy since we met at our school’s Bat-Mitzvah program back […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9008,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"Help! What kind of mom will I be to the baby I can't have? 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