{"id":6143,"date":"2015-03-18T09:21:07","date_gmt":"2015-03-18T13:21:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mayahoodblog.com\/?p=6143"},"modified":"2015-03-17T21:54:32","modified_gmt":"2015-03-18T01:54:32","slug":"sucked-first-time-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayahoodblog.com\/sucked-first-time-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I sucked being a first time mom"},"content":{"rendered":"
It’s dawned on me recently… shortly after having my third son that I am different as a mom now. \u00a0Not because I have more experience, or because I’m wiser or more laid back. In fact, with each new kid that I bring into this world, I feel like I know less and seek out the advice of other parents more than I have at any one point in the past. More than anything though, I realized that I really really sucked being a first time mom. By no means did I ruin my son forever (I hope), but I can sense a difference in my behaviour that changed between having my first son and my second and then my third.<\/p>\n
When my first son was born, I was excited and elated. I wanted a child for as long as I can remember. What I didn’t anticipate was how I would feel once he was born. \u00a0I think that I went into a state of shock and I experienced the baby blues<\/a>. He was my son and I cared for him, and I would protect him with my life, but I didn’t have the ‘love’ feeling I expected. Not at first anyway… I didn’t have that “love at first sight” feeling that everyone talks about; my husband had that feeling and he felt it the instant our son was born. \u00a0I was jealous that he felt this way and I wanted to one day feel that way too. \u00a0I knew I would, but I hated the fact that I didn’t immediately or even with a month. In fact, it took a whole of six months when I suddenly, out of no where, felt that deep love feeling. So lets make a pact. \u00a0Lets promise to never utter “love at first sight” to a new mom ever again. Because you never know… and there’s nothing worse than mom guilt!<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n I also didn’t speak to him enough for about the first month of his life. \u00a0I wasn’t mad at him, I just didn’t verbally talk to him. When I was with him, I spoke to myself in my head but I never verbalized anything to him. My sweet baby boy, lying there, gazing up at me, so lovingly, and all I could do, was stare back. \u00a0But really, he was just a blob. He could’t do much of anything. \u00a0Speaking\u00a0to him or even AT him, at first seemed weird. \u00a0I had to make a conscience effort to do so. Eventually, it became normal and I just did it.<\/p>\n I hovered. I hovered A LOT! When other people were over and watching over\u00a0him, if they didn’t hover, I would panic. I spent all day hovering over him and doing NOTHING else, including sleeping, cooking, baking, going out for alone time, learning something new, etc.. I can’t believe how much freedom I had and how I didn’t take advantage of it. \u00a0Being at home with one kid is like a vacation compared to three.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n I couldn’t wait for him to grow up. I counted the days till he turned three weeks because that’s when things got “easier.” I counted the days till he turned 3 months, because that;s when his colic was supposed \u00a0to disappear. I counted the days till he turned 1 because that’s when the risk of SIDS diminishes. I counted the day till he could crawl, and then walk. I was always looking forward, to the next milestone, the next day and never enjoying the moment, the NOW! \u00a0That’s probably why I didn’t enjoy the baby phase with my eldest and why I cherished it so much with my second and now my third and last.<\/p>\n