As I was leaving a car shop the other day, I thought to myself about the man who just fixed my car. I got to know a little about him during my drop-off. I know he has two daughters, and is a hard working man. I honestly had one of the best customer service experiences ever. This man was intelligent, kind, and he exhibited skills that would be attributed to that of a highly effective leader. Yet, he isn’t a CEO of a conglomerate, or a manager at a bank. He’s a man working as hard as he can every day at a job that although may not be looked-down upon, is not one that’s often celebrated. I wondered if his daughters knew how amazing their dad is at their job. I wondered if they were proud of him.
And that got me thinking… I wonder if my sons are proud of me. Yes, I’m getting ahead of myself. I guess they’re too young right now to think on that level (my oldest is not even 3 yet, and the other is a newborn), but it won’t be long before they will start asking questions about “what I do” and learning about other grownups’ jobs.
I’m a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I became one once my son was born. I gave-up left my well-paying, great-benefits jobs as a manager at one of the big four accounting firms to be a SAHM. I have a bachelors of Business Administration degree and I completed my MBA only a year before becoming a SAHM. Basically, I’m the most underpaid, well-educated person I know. BUT… the choice was mine. No one asked me to be a SAHM, no one twisted my arm. I WANT to be the CEO of my kids (or rather, have them boss me around). I WANT to teach and mold their young minds. I WANT to be the one that takes them to the park, the library, and to art and music classes. I WANT to be the one that knows all of the “in” kid songs like “sticky sticky bubble gum” and “sleeping bunnies”. And so, here I am.
I’m not questioning my decision to be a SAHM, but rather, I’m wondering if my kids will be proud of my decision. Our society places so much emphasize on careers; especially for women. The news is full of successful working women making headlines such as Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer and Facebook’s second in command Sheryl Sandberg. And with good reason. Our mothers and grandmothers have fought hard for women rights, and look how far we’ve come (even though there’s still a long way to go in women equality, but that’s not what this post is about).
When my kids ask me what my job is, and I proudly and happily respond back and say “my job is to stay home with you”, will they look back at me and smile? Will they look back at me with their head tilted to the side with a blank stare on their face? or will they ask me “no… I mean, what is your job?” indicating that my answer was not what they were looking for.
I hope that by becoming a stay at home mom I can instill a sense of self-worth in my own children. That I can teach them that I’m just as important to society even though I don’t make an income. I hope that by staying at home with them they learn that “work” comes in various forms. I hope that one day, they will become better fathers and husbands because of it.
I have no problem explaining to them the many benefits of having their mom stay home with them, and the fact that the choice was mine and that I love every single second of my day at home with them. I just hope that they understand. Whether or not they agree with me, I guess I just hope that they will be proud of me.
Great post! I have the exact same worries. I also decided to become a SAHM when my twins were born, and I have yet to return to the workforce (they just turned 3). I love that I’m able to be with them all day, play with them, teach them and I especially love that I was and will continue to be able to see them reach every big milestone. Right now they love that I’m with them all day. When I ask them if I should go back to school or work, they break down and cry. I hope they’ll still think this highly of me in a few years down the road.
thanks for your comment. I haven’t even thought about going back to work so I haven’t even asked my oldest what he thinks about that. I’m curious to see his reaction. at least you’ll always know that they do appreciate it NOW, even if down the road things look different to them.
Early on, I decided not to use the term “stay-at-home mom” but I do use something similar: “at-home mom.” It’s a small distinction, but I realized that, much of the time, I didn’t “stay” at home with my kids—-we went out a lot. We went to the library, the grocery store, the park, the drop-in centre. We went to a friend’s house, we walked around the block, or further, depending on weather and tired wee legs.
And when people asked if I work, I would say “Yes, I’m an at-home mom.” If they asked about when I was going to go “back to work” I would point out that I was already working. After all, nannies and day care staff are considered to be working. Sometimes I thought about going back to paid work, and now that my youngest is off to school (really off—he’s in first year university!) I’m thinking about it even more.
I know these can seem like very picky differences, but I found that they made a difference in the way I thought about my contribution to our family, and to the world. So people talk about how important mothers are, and what an important job we do—and then they talk about us going “back to work.” I think we are doing important work. The pay sucks, and the hours are long. But it’s important work nonetheless.
Thank you so much for your great comment. You wrote it and described it all so eloquently. I totally see and get the difference. And you’re right, we (society and often myself too) undermine the importance of the role of a at-home-mom. Sometimes I foolishly say “I’m JUST a stay at home mom” but it’s not JUST! It’s my job! and I love it and I want to do it. So instead, I should say what you say. Thanks for the reminder.
It’s great and healthy for both mom and kids being able to stay at home, it’s very hard not to have that possibility for many many women around the world. I think it should be illegal for women to work on a fix schedule without having the choice to decide her own time, I also think government should allow mom to raise their own children because we are educating the future of the country….I am sure your kids will appreciate it
I agree that it’s definitely not a possibility for many moms here and around the world, which is very unfortunate. But I also believe that some, even those who do have the option, would still choose work, and that’s okay too. At the end of the da, everyone has to do what’s right from them and their family. If Mom is happy, kids are happy! Thanks for your comment 🙂 I hope they appreciate it as well.