Will I regret this…

Unfortunately, it’s usually when tragedy strikes that we think about what’s really important in life.

Late Friday night, as I was scrolling through Twitter (yes, I still use it – mostly for news), I found out about the tragic accident that took place in Saskatchewan.

When news came in that a bus carrying a team of junior A players, their coaches and staff, from Humboldt Broncos, was hit by a semi-truck, I hoped for the best. It wasn’t long before we heard that there were fatalities. In the morning, I woke up to the news that half of the team was gone and I was holding back my tears.

I turned to John and all I could think about was the parents of those players. They probably never imagined, in their wildest dreams, that putting their kids on a bus headed for a tournament would be the last time they would see their kids. I do the same thing when I drop my kids off at school (after an exhausting and and stressful morning of raising my voice, threatening, and snapping at them as I try to get them there on time), or let them go on a school bus for field trips, and basically every other time they do something without me. I just never think anything of it – but why would I. You can’t live your life in fear… but it did get me wondering about whether one day, I’ll look back and have some regrets.

Will I regret not dancing with Nate when he asked me to because I was too busy cooking dinner?

Will I regret not reading a book with Ryan in the morning because I was too busy preparing their breakfast and school lunches?

Will I regret not letting Kyle stay up a little longer because I just wanted some alone time already?

Will I regret getting mad at them over minuscule things that really don’t matter in the long term but because I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained, it was easier to be mad than be patient or just let it go?

Will these be the moments that I look back on and wish that they were different?

Probably… So I will try to do better and be better. The only thing that is a guarantee is TODAY!

So tonight, when I tuck my kids to sleep, I’ll stay in bed with Nate just five minutes longer. I’ll lay down next to Ryan and chat with him a few minutes longer, and I’ll give Kyle his nightly back-rub without making an excuse that I’m too tired or busy. I’ll also throw in an extra squeeze and kiss for good measure.

I know I can’t always be perfect and always enjoy every moment in life. While I’m patient, I’m not a saint. I’m still going to lose it on my kids and make mistakes.

But I’m going to try harder to live a life without regrets because you just never know…