I know I haven’t been a parent that long (aka almost five years), but the amount of remarks that are made about my parenting or my kids are endless. The comments are made by the likes of family, friends and strangers and while often they are well meaning, sometimes I think people are just clueless. Some people just don’t adhere to the golden rule of If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. To enlighten those of you who might be wondering if you’ve made a faux pas before (heck, I know I have ), here’s a list of some comments that you should NOT make to parents.
1. You look so tired Is that just a really nice way of saying I look like crap? Yes, I’m tired. In fact, I’m exhausted. I’m a stay at home mom and I have three kids under the age of five home with me all day, every day, with not much help. I’m still breastfeeding the youngest and guess what? He still wakes up at night (I know, I have to nip that issue in the butt). I don’t need a reminder that I look tired – I am tired!
Solo parenting at the Blue Jays game
2. You must be so busy… Especially with three kids Yes, you’re right, I am busy. But you know who else is busy? Every other parent. It doesn’t matter if you have one or three or even 19 kids, parents are busy, period! Instead of pointing out the obvious, help me out. I have two hands but three kids. You do the math. Unless you’re trying to empathize and start a dialogue, please follow up on that sentence with the following: Can I grab you some coffee? Can I get you something from the nearby grocery store? Want me to grab you some lunch? I need time people, something I have none of these days. A helping hand would go a long way. Even just the offer would mean the world to me.
Here’s a nice coffee shop, thank you!
3. Any comment about people’s procreation strategy. Is she an only child? Will you be trying for more? They’re ALL yours? Are you going to try for a girl? / did you try for a girl? Stop making assumption about people’s procreation strategy. Whether or not someone wanted a particular sex or a certain number of kids is none of your business. Obviously this conversation is completely okay with a good friend, but not okay if you’re a stranger or if I know you for like one second. Besides, what is so wrong with having kids of all the same sex. Why does our society frown on one gender over another? And what if we did want a girl. Do you really want me to break down and cry for you? I don’t think so. And for the record: We wanted three kids, regardless of sex. If we were going to try for a fourth, guess what we’ll most likely have? Another boy.
4. Do they look like their dad? Look, I get it. I’m a dark haired, dark skinned women walking around with three light skinned, blond hair boys and usually, without my husband in tow. They don’t look like me, but so what? It’s called genetics. But what if I wasn’t their biological parent? Why even bring it up. Just don’t go there people… just don’t.
Clearly, the two blond ones look like their dad!
5. Your baby is fussy. Yes, I know. I live with said baby. I’m out and about trying to normalize my life and talk to other adults about anything that’s NOT baby related. Yet, all you can do is remind me of my fussy baby? Thanks but no thanks Sherlock! See the golden rule of talking above.
6. Any parenting comment by someone who doesn’t have kids. If you don’t have any kids, you haven’t earned your right to make any suggestions or comments about a parent’s style. Trust me on this one. You’ll only feel like a total fool when you have your own kids and realize what a total jerk you were.
7. They’re such boys! Who? My three sons? Yes, I have three boys, I know. They’re high energy, wild, loud and they rough house. But you know what else? They also love to sit and play pretend. They love to draw, paint, apply biab dolly nail polish on each other, and they love sitting down quietly for hours on end being read to. I know this because on several occasions I have sat down and read books to them for hours on end. For some reason, no one stops to say “Wow, they’re such girls!” You know why? Because there’s no such thing as girl versus boy activities. Can we please stop with the gender generalization? Kids are kids. Some are quieter and some our louder. Some are more relaxed and chilled while others can’t stand still for a moment. I know boys and girls that fall into both categories. It’s annoying and frustrating to hear that phrase. Especially since I clearly know I have boys. I gave birth to them…duh!
I can’t relax. They always fine me!
That’s it! Anything to add to my list?
Sometimes people say the stupidest things.I say do what make you and your family happy,do what ever make life easy.Beautiful family.
sometimes people do say things they shouldn’t and don’t think before the speak!
Ah the joys of parenthood and having to interact with the opinions of those without kids! Love where you’re coming from on this post! 🙂 .. now.. want me to grab your boys so you can go get your butt to the salon? I’m totally game!
You’re a queen in my books for just offering to do that. I need to get my hair cut since I haven’t in over a year (yikes) go for a wax, get my nails done and if I’m really being greedy, do some shopping (FOR ME). Xoxo
You’re an Ace in my books for offering to do that! I honestly need to go for a massage (m y neck and shoulder are a mess from night time feeding / sleeping), I need a hair cut (haven’t gotten one in over a year), and if I’m being really greedy, I need to hit the mall for some shopping (FOR ME). Xoxo
Maya, this was so funny…I’m gonna read it again I think it made my day! All the above were so true! I often get the comment, “how do you do it?” I’m still not sure what the right answer would be!?
Stay tuned for my next post…. 😉
hahaha, so many people with foot in mouth disease in this world.
i just think everyone shouldn’t take things personally. getting worked up over comments just adds to one’s stress levels. (insert the Frozen song here)
Haha. I so agree. I do typically brush it off… but when you hear it 100 times a day it gets to you.
Because I have two boys, I always hear, “are you trying for a girl?” or “where’s the girl?”. Yeah. Love those questions.
You and me both!!! Sheesh
Amen! As a single mom by choice, the assumption based questions and comments can be ridiculous. Yay Maya! PS. I can babysit while you go out. 🙂
You’re so sweet! Xoxo
You’re so sweet to offer. Xoxo
My children are all bi racial. Whenever I would go out and I mean, every time, I would have people ask me if I brought my kids back from Africa lololol It wasn’t worth getting offended so I would always chuckle!
Good for you. A good laugh always helps.
I had such a good laugh with this! As a mother of twins I must have always looked tired, one or the other was usually unhappy/fussy and busy was an understatement! My twins are male and female and have some facial similarities but for the most part look completely different. When people would ask about them and I would say that they’re twins they’d be like “Really? Are you sure?” lol! Yup, I’m pretty sure!
Amen!! Lol I especially love #6!! I’ll come over anytime and watch the boys…just let me know. 🙂
Thanks Lisa. Xoxo
My baby is in the higher percentile in height t and weight for a 4 month old… But I’m so sick and tired of people commenting that he’s big or fat or asking if anyone in my family is big or how shocked that he’s the height and weight and of a 6 month old. Stop looking so jaw dropped at my baby… He’s happy healthy and gorgeous. Stop far shaming my baby
Aww I have three boys too! #6 made me laugh because I just had to explain that (nicely) to my 8 year old son the other day as he was trying to tell me how I should be holding his baby brother’s hand…..son, don’t give your mother parenting advice. Just, trust me, don’t do it. LOL
So true! I get all of those! I get backseat parenting from strangers. I was walking my son in the stroller from one building to another and he would always throw his mitts off. It was a ten second walk but had this woman come up to me and say I should dress him better for the cold!
LOVE this post and reading it.. I can relate to many.. the one I got the most laugh from was #6.. This is so true.. I always find these people are the ones with the most opinions. But like you said in the end when they do have kids they will look back and think of what a totally jerk they were <3 My mama always taught me If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all 😉
and that saying is what I will be teaching my children too!!
I get quite annoyed at some of the comments people make, some that have left me speechless. My daughter is only two so I’m just getting used to it.