My son didn’t receive an award for his hard work and I’m glad…

Hockey, baseball and floor hockey. My son has played these team sports for years now and at the end of each season he received an award. Not because they won and not because he stood out from the rest of the players (i.e. MVP, best hitter, most points, etc…). Rather, he received a participation award, given to every kid because they participated in the sport. While in theory I’m not against such awards, I was extremely pleased that the opposite experience recently occurred at my son’s baseball camp.

Here is the thing, my oldest son Kyle is a winner. At least, he doesn’t like to do anything unless he comes in first place. While this attitude can be very beneficial in life, there are also some downfalls. For instance, he’ll cry if he losses any games we play. A bigger issue is that he is afraid to try anything new if he doesn’t believe he’ll do it well perfectly. This goes beyond playing sports. We saw this impact his school work as he was often afraid to practice writing and reading because he was concerned he might not do it well. This fear is common among first born kids. If they don’t succeed than they believe they are a failure and they believe that determines their self worth.  It’s a hard cycle to get out of, and I’m sure that the way we parented Kyle as our first born has a lot to do with it. He’s gotten better with age, and attending kindergarten has helped immensely. However, there’s still some more work that we need to do to improve the way he sees his place and value in our family and society.

Back to baseball camp… The more I think about it, the more I’m pleased about the outcome. You see, Kyle prides himself on his sport abilities. Just this week he said to me “I must have practiced swinging (a bat) when I was in your tummy” (I swear… I can’t make this stuff up). He’s an amazing hockey and baseball player. He has great hand-eye coordination and he is a born athlete. He had a great week at baseball camp learning the rules (he claimed “I already knew them all”) and praticing throwing, fielding, catching and batting. He made some great friends, played a ton and even improved his skills. I know he tried his hardest at everything they were doing whether it was a simple “red light, green light” game or playing a basbeall match-up game.

However, unlike most team sports that he’s been a part of, the camp didn’t award each camper with a medal or a trophy. Instead, they selected two players from each team and they gave one (very coveted plastic water bottle) award for the most improved player and another award for the most valuable player (MVP). When the coaches named the MVP of my son’s team, and the word “Kyle” wasn’t said, I saw the look of shock and disappointment in my son’s eyes. I wanted to run over and give him a big hug, but I also wanted to see how it would play out. After the awards ceremony was over, Kyle came over and with sad eyes he said to my husband “I thought I was going to win the MVP” and started to cry softly. We comforted him and gave him a big hug. We told him that we thought he did an amazing job at camp and that he tried his hardest and had fun and that’s all that matters. We also mentioned that the other kid who got it must have tried really hard and been a good player too so that’s likely why the coaches selected him. We didn’t want to harp on the issue so we dropped it even though we could tell that he was still devastated.  Then, the sweetest thing happened. The kid who won the MVP award, who happened to be Kyle’s best friend at camp, came over to Kyle and said “I thought you were going to get MVP!”. Hello…. We’re talking about 5 and 6 year olds here. How amazing and mature is that? I think that was all my son needed to hear. At the end of the day, it was a decision that the coaches made and I’m sure they made the right one.

Besides, I’m glad my son didn’t get it. I think he’ll learn and grow more from this situation versus if he had gotten the award. Life is full of disappointments and the reality is that A) We’re not always going to get what we think we deserve and B) There’s always going to be someone better than us. I really think that you can’t be too young to learn these life lessons. Besides, I rather him be disappointed now over a plastic bottle MVP award than struggle with disappointment when he doesn’t get into the University of his choice or when he gets dumped by the “love of his life” or when he doesn’t land his dream job or get the promotion he wants.

Here’s to raising more self-assured, rightfully deserving, hard-working and strong kids without the palstic bottle MVP award!