Last week, a house three doors down from us was broken into. It was during the day, and the owner was home (so was his barking dog). When my neighbour went down stairs to see why the dog was barking, to his surprise, he found a stranger in his house! He immediately began to chase him out of the house, but stopped in his tracks when the robber declared that he had a knife (which my neighbour saw) and a gun (he didn’t see). He immediately called the police and about six patrol cars showed up outside my house and up and down the street. When I went outside to see what was going on, I was shaken to the core. I mean, it could have easily been our house. Luckily though, there wasn’t an incident and the robber left empty ended. While leaving me feeling vulnerable and shocked, this wasn’t the part that bothered me the most.
You see, we live on the same street as our local school, where our boys go. During the incident, the school was on a “lock and hold”, which is different than a “lock down.” Specifically, during a lock and hold, no one can enter or leave the school, but inside, it’s business as usual. The kids weren’t made aware of this lock and hold, except that some kids were told that they needed to remain in the lunchroom instead of going outside for recess. Eventually the area was cleared and it was determined that it was safe so the kids were sent out for recess. However, the street was still lined with cops. So the kids, being kids, started to stare, ask questions and speak among themselves to figure out what had happened that day. Luckily (I have no idea how), my boys didn’t see or hear about any of this.
A letter was sent home to the parents explaining what had happened. When my oldest son handed me the note, he asked me happened. I had two choices… tell him the truth or lie. I decided to do the latter. There was absolutely no point telling my 7 year old son that a house, a few doors down from us, got broken into by a “bad guy”. This is the same kid that is afraid to be on a different floor from my husband and I, at any time of the day. Later, when I spoke to my neighbour, whose house it was that got broken into, she also told her kids that the robber didn’t get into their house, he was just in their backyard (also a fib). It was clear that in this situation, our lies were needed in order to protect our kids and their innocence and help them feel safe.
While I do believe that it was also a great opportunity to speak about being vigilant and to make sure our kids aren’t naive, I knew that this conversation would be better discussed at a later time so my kids don’t connect it with the incident.
What are your thoughts? Would you have lied to your kids in this situation or would you have told them the truth? Do you ever think it’s okay to lie to kids?
Oh boy! That’s a tough one, but I would have done what you did if my kids were that young. As they get older, it’s better to be honest with them, so they understand that leaving a door unlocked or not paying attention to unusual noises outside can be an issue. My oldest is approaching babysitting age (whaaatt? how did *that* happen? lol), so I’m very cognizant of teaching her to be vigilant. But it’s a different story with little kids. I’m glad everyone is ok, albeit shaken up. Can I ask… did the person break in (i.e. break a window or pry a door?) or was the door left unlocked? (Just to be clear, neither is ok… just curious.)
That’s so scary Maya 🙁
And YES, I would 100% bend the truth on that one. Nothing good can come of them knowing what happened.
E heard from her friend what was going on during recess and she and her friends saw the robber running away. Was hoping not to have had to talk about it but it was a very good age-appropriate conversation. She wanted to be discreet so little E did not find out about it.
My goodness. I’m so sorry this happened so close to your home. I cannot imagine how you must feel? A string of robberies have been happening this way too. The nerve of people. I believe you did the right thing. As parents we make these choices to protect our children. I’d most likely tell my older two. I believe there is a time to know the world isn’t all rainbows and Sunshine’s; 10 and older I believe can handle the truth. My littles I would protect.
When the shooting on Parliament Hill happened, I was home sick with my boy. (At the time he was my youngest, but we have had another baby since.) My oldest kid’s school was on lock and hold too, even though we are in the far east part of the city and this was all happening downtown. I was more or less holding it together but lost it when I got the text saying that I couldn’t go pick her up. She was none the wiser and I don’t know if she even remembers it. Sometimes it is harder on mamas than on the kids!
As far as lying… We are all about age appropriate discussions with the kids. I think I’d be able to have that type of talk with my older two now because they can handle it, but each family is different.
I wouldn’t have lied but maybe omitted specific details. Maybe something along the lines of “There was a bad guy in the area, but you don’t need to worry because the cops got him.” I think that teaches them there are bad people around them daily but we also have good guys to get the bad guys. Just my 2 cents 😉