Our family’s screen time rules

Screens… love them or hate them, they’re here to stay! The key is to take control of them before they take control of you and your family. That is why I thought I would share some of our family screen time rules (& tips) regarding managing screen-time with our kids.

Before I go on, I have to mention that I am NOT AN EXPERT when it comes to managing screen-time (I actually had to lock my smartphone so I didn’t get distracted writing this). This is just what’s working for us. This is also our current rules, but they’ll certainly change as the technology and screen-usage for our kids evolves over time.

Please read this with a grain of salt. Perhaps it will sparks some ideas for your own family or encourage you to continue doing what you already are. Either way, there’s no judgement. Every family dynamic, environment and needs are different. So without further ado, here’s some of our family rules surround screen time.

Restricted access to screens

As of January, we decided that our kids would be off screens completely between Monday and Friday (until school ends on Friday). That means, they only have access to screens, i.e. our smartphones, tablets, gaming systems, TV, and home theater, on the weekend. While we didn’t set a specific time limit around their weekend usage, we do manage it on the fly. The kids are pretty busy on weekends anyway with hockey, birthday parties and various outings, so we aren’t too concerned. However, if we do notice that they are on it for an excessive period of time (i.e. 2 hours +), we ask them to turn off their screens for a few hours break.

We got to this point slowly and over time through trial and error. Initially it was the wild west in our home when it came to screen time. We didn’t really have any rules. Eventually we noticed that our kids act VERY differently when they have excessive exposure to certain content. We eventually landed on ‘no screens in the morning’ rule. Mornings are so busy and stressful as is, add in screens and it’s a nightmare. Sometimes, when they kids were misbehaving, we took away their screens for the day. One time, they were so bad and I had enough that I took away their screens for the week. At that point, I wasn’t sure if it was a punishment for them or for me. But as the week went on, the asking and whining for screens seemed to lesson and the kids eventually figured out what to do without them. After two instances of this, we decided to just make this a permanent rule (we heard from my bestie that she also enforces this rule, so it helped seal our decision).

Don’t get me wrong, the kids still ask for their screens on occasion, and when they go on play dates, I’m sure they are on screens at their friends house. This also doesn’t give them an excuse to look to John and I for entertainment. We try to encourage them to find something to do, either alone or with one another. Of course, I try to be more mindful of my screen usage when they are back from school.

Another way we are able to restrict screen time is through the parent-control app on their tablets. I can set a time limit so their tablet will lock when their time is up. I can also go in and control how much time they can use each specific app for (specifically, TikTok for my oldest).

Overall, the experience has been great, and I can’t imagine going back. I guess only time will tell….

No Screens Upstairs

I heard this tip from a few parents and I thought it was great. Basically, if my kids do have access to screens, they have to use it on the main floor of our house. It’s open-concept, so I can monitor what they are watching. While I’m not too concerned at the moment (they are still young), it’s only a matter of time before they start viewing or searching for things that might be inappropriate or that provide them with misinformation.

The best thing about this is that I can see and hear what my kids are watching. Nathan loves Ryan’s Toy Review, Ryan likes to play games or watch Fortnite videos on YouTube and Kyle likes watching Fortnite videos on Youtube and going on TikTok. I can hear when they are watching something inappropriate and tell them to either turn it off or have a conversation with them about what they jus saw or heard.

Somewhat related, my plan for when they have their own smartphones is that they will need to charge them overnight in my bedroom. This will ensure they don’t have access to it throughout the night when they should be resting.

I am the password gatekeeper

My oldest son has TikTok, which we don’t love, but we do let him go on it for about 15-30 minutes a day on weekends. However, his account is set up under my e-mail and I manage his password. This way, I am able to go on and check it any time. I can see who he is following, and who is following him.

Cell phone for safety

I recently shared that I got a phone # for my spare phone. I got it because Kyle is sometimes home alone now for an hour at a time if John and I are out with his siblings or running errands and he doesn’t want to join us. Since we don’t have a land line, having access to a phone is for his safety (to either reach us or the police). He’s also at an age where we are encouraging him to go out with his friends house for play dates. Since we live in the city, and close to a major intersection, I want him to take the cell phone with him so 1. he can call us when he arrives safely to his friends house and 2. we can reach him to find out what his plans are or to call him back home.

I got a $10 plan (through Freedom Mobile) that provides him with unlimited talk and text. It also came with 1gb of data, but I turned off the data in his phone, and I didn’t tell him that it came with it. After all, the point is for him to have access to a phone, not another device to access the internet. However, I will be holding on to the phone 99% of the time and only providing it to him when he needs it.

Watch Screens together

An odd rule, but it’s true. There are so many benefits to watching what your kids are into with them. They will be more inclined to share with you and it shows that you care about their interests. It will also give you insight into what they are watching and what’s out there in the crazy world of cyber space. While I wouldn’t recommend reprimanding them on the spot for anything inappropriate, you can take small steps at first to tell them that 1. what they are watching is inappropriate and WHY (make it educational) and 2. save it for a larger conversation at a different time. The key is to make sure you’re not confrontational so you maintain an open, honest and trusting relationship so they will continue to be open with you.

John actually loves playing Fortnite with the boys. They work together as a team to win and it’s actually a fun way for them to spend time together. Of course John also takes them to play shinny and plays hockey in the basement with them. Adding this into the mix is fun too.

Do your research

This is more of a tip than a rule. Whenever Kyle asks us for access to something, before we say ‘YES’ or ‘NO’, we do our research.

For example, a lot of parents are against their kids playing Fortnite. While I agree that the focus is ‘violent’ in nature, it’s not gruesome. As I mentioned above, the boys often play together as a team with John, and while not traditional, they bond over it.

So why are parents so up and arms against Fortnite? That’s because there is a real risk with Fortnite. Players are able to interact with strangers in some of the play modes. There’s a potential risk that a predator may speak to your child and get personal information from them. Since this was our main concern, we immediately removed the microphone / audio option from the game. That way, our kids aren’t able to speak back to the other people who are playing with them. Another benefit is that my kids won’t hear profanity by the other players. In the digital age, computer crimes are a growing concern. Whether it’s data breaches or unauthorized access allegations, these charges can have severe consequences. Having a seasoned computer crime attorney is not just a recommendation but a necessity. If you or someone you know needs expert defense, click here to learn more.

Similarly, when my son asked for TikTok, I allowed him to get an account (that I manage) under the guideline that John and I need to approve his videos before he uploads them. However, once he started watching other people’s TikTok videos, I realized that there’s much more to this app than fun dances and songs. First of all, there’s a lot of misinformation out there. My son thought that WWIII was starting because people started posting about the conflicts between Iran and USA. There was also a lot of racist ‘us vs. them’ content. Even though my son didn’t see it as such, that’s how ignorance starts. So while it was a great opportunity for me to speak to him about current events and why those videos are inappropriate, I also realized that TikTok is not a good app for him to use. We have since limited his time on that app to 15 min.

These are just some of our rules around managing our children’s screen time. Like I said, it’s not perfect, but it’s what works for us.

What tips would you share and what rules do you implement in your home?