The choice to become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) was all mine. When I was pregnant, I was contemplating this decision, but couldn’t make up my mind. Luckily, I knew I had a year to think about it. Oddly enough, Kyle’s first year of life was really hard on me. The transition into parenthood wasn’t easy, and Kyle had colic. Despite the challenges, I decided to become a SAHM. Luckily, I was able to ask my employer to hold my spot for another year (by taking a leave of absence) should anything change. That second year made me realize that I didn’t miss any aspect of my old job – with the exception of getting a break here and there. I also got pregnant with Ryan half way through the year, so really, it just made sense.
Pregnant with Ryan & Kyle’s second birthday party
Despite the challenging year with Kyle, I was actually good at parenting. Kyle and I would attend a lot of programs together, I had a great mommy group, and most importantly, I felt fulfilled. I preferred staying home with Kyle over my previous job, where I constantly felt stressed. I felt I had more purpose and I couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of him. While my stress level went down, my exhaustion level, as a SAHM, went up.
Fast forward 8 years and 3 kids later. Over the years I began getting restless staying home with my kids. I even wrote about those feelings in this post titled ‘the 5 year itch.’ Obviously I loved my boys and spending time with them, but I also learned something about myself. I learned that I cherish alone time! I thrive on having my alone time. It’s part of my DNA and personality, and without it, I am not happy.
Obviously, I wasn’t getting any alone time as a SAHM. My kids were never good at entertaining themselves, and they were always miserable if I left them somewhere without me (whether at their grandparents or in a daycare program). I felt so terrible and guilty when I saw their sad faces that I just kept them with me most of the time. After all, that was my job!
Also, during the same time, I found a new passion – blogging. I love sharing my experience as a parent in written words and pictures. Being active on social media made me become hooked to my phone, as part of my new ‘job.’ However, it was also taking a toll on my first priority – parenting my kids. It was a hard juggle and truthfully, I never found the balance. I wanted to be a hands-free parent so badly, but I also really wanted to work as a blogger. I tried working at nights after the kids were in bed, but then I felt that I never got my ‘alone’ time to do something truly for myself.
It wasn’t until this past September, when all three of my boys started school full time, that something inside of me changed. I became a happier person. Less exhausted and more patient. I craved time with my boys. That’s because I was getting almost 6 hours of alone time during the day. By fulfilling my biological need to be ‘alone’, I was FINALLY able to give my kids my undivided attention that they deserve.
So yes, now that my kids are in school full time I’m happier! Saying it out loud feels good too! Does that make me a bad mom?
I’m with you sister! 😘
No, I was a stay at home mom and love my children, we did so much together but I also love my alone time.
The early years are exhausting! Now with the kids in school full-time, you can finally have some breathing space for yourself to find new energy and focus, and miss being around them!
Not at all! Happy moms make the best moms.