My son potty trained himself

One of the most talked about topics when it comes to Toddlers is potty training.  Some parents have even made it into a sport, competing (amongst themselves mostly I presume) to see whose kid potty trained first.  Last summer, when my son was a few months shy of turning 2, I was in a NYC park talking to another parent.  He proudly and excitedly told me about how his son was potty trained at 18 months and asked me when we’re starting.

My husband and I have taken a different approach.  Rather than pushing our son to use the potty at an early age or before he was ready, we were happy to keep him in diapers.  As a family who spends more time out and about than we do at home, it was the easier option.  Of course, we knew the day would come when he would need to be potty trained.

On a whole, our parenting philosophy is based around the Adlerian approach which Alyson Schafer, a psychotherapist and our-go-to parenting expert, bases her parenting advice on.  According to Alyson Schafer,

Body maturation and awareness comes in three stages: “I peed,” “I am peeing,” and “I have to pee.” …Only when they get to the “I need to pee” stage, which means they now are able to hold their bladder and have a chance to actually plan to get to the potty, is it time to invite them to try to use the toilet or potty.

We noticed that our almost 3 year old son has mastered this language so we knew HE was ready.  We took advantage of our time up in cottage country and allowed our son to spend most of the day in his “birthday” suite.  Being outdoors naked provided him with an opportunity to pee when he needed.  I also think it helped him become more aware of his bowel movements since he was lacking his usual support (i.e. diapers).  He continuly shouted from the top of his lungs “I HAVE TO PEE”.  This gave us a great opportunity to direct him to the potty or to pee into the bushes, the lake, basically whatever was closest… you get the point.  This continued each time we were up at the cottage. By the end of July, my son had successfully potty trained himself (FYI to future cottage guests – don’t walk around barefoot around our cottage).

So did my son truly potty train himself?  I think so.  There was no pressure from us, no crying, meltdowns or frustrations.  We didn’t have a due-date and we would have been just as happy if our son was still be using diapers.  I know that this might be a Laissez-faire attitude, so it might not work for everyone.  However, it was one of the least stressful experiences in our short parenting gig.

Besides following Alyson Schafer’s advice in this blog post: http://blog.mabelslabels.com/index.php/2013/08/potty-training-when-to-start-and-when-to-stop/ here’s a few of my own tips to help you along:

• You don’t need a cottage.  Let your child run around naked in your backyard.  Obviously summer time is more ideal 😉
• Go shopping for underwear together with your kid.  If they’re involved in the decision making process they get more excited about the change.  My son couldn’t wait to wear his big boy Spiderman underwear
• Make sure you have a potty they can use.  You don’t need a big fancy expensive one, but you do need one for when they’re not close to the washroom.  1) At first, kids may not be able to hold it for long and 2) My child preferred to “go” wherever he was when he felt the urge.
  

  Don’t waste your $ on this

• For the first few weeks, ask your child every few hours if they have to go.  Most of the time my son said “no” but a few minutes later he said he had to go.  More than anything, it’s just a reminder to them that they are no longer wearing diapers so if they feel the urge to go, they need to tell you.
• There may will be accidents.  We had one accident a day for about 4 days but it stopped.  Just remember to not get mad or upset if there’s an accident.  This is a learning process for them and sometimes kids really get into whatever activity they are doing that they FORGET that they need to pee.
• Provide lots of support and encouragement.  Make sure to praise them when they remember to go and even when they don’t.  Let them know that you’re proud of them.  Positive encouragement when they least expect it is the best way to support your child on this journey.
• Lastly and MOST importantly, if your child isn’t ready for potty training, STOP! They (and you) should not be subjected to sitting on the potty for an extended period of time in hopes that they MIGHT pee or poo.  Personally, there’s a million other ways that I would prefer to spend the day.  I promise you that you child will be potty trained before they enter University 😉

Stay tuned for my follow-up post on how my son weaned off the pacifier by himself.