To read part 1, go here: http://wp.me/p248bN-jU
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DAY 8:
I needed to see it with my own eyes. Strangely it wasn’t as traumatizing as I thought it would be. The ultrasound just showed a blob with no heartbeat. It even shrunk to an 8-9 week fetus. I guess that happens over time. I am past the stage of disbelief, and coming to terms with it more and more as each day passes.
I’m supposed to be 12 weeks and 2 days today. We met the OB and she went through our options in detail. I asked a hundred questions about the risks and benefits of each option, but wanted to know most importantly which option was best for avoiding future child bearing problems. We’ve decided to take the Misoprostol in a few days. This drug is supposed to induce contractions. It’s our best choice right now as it’s 85 per cent effective in expelling all contents. We may still need to do a D&C. I want to move on and have closure. I want to have a baby and forget this all happened.
I know I’m not alone. Hundreds of women go through this every day. Miscarriage in early pregnancy is common. Studies show that about 10 to 20 per cent of women who know they are pregnant have a miscarriage some time before 20 weeks of pregnancy (that’s about 1 in 5); 80 per cent of these occur in the first 12 weeks. But the actual rate of miscarriage is even higher since many women have very early miscarriages without ever realizing they were pregnant. One study that followed women’s hormone levels every day to detect very early pregnancy found a total miscarriage rate of 31 per cent. (source: UpToDate).
Although I knew I stand in solidarity with many women, I still felt alone and at fault. When I first heard the news a week ago I blamed myself. What did I do wrong? Did I miss one too many prenatal vitamins? Did I exert myself too much that week? Did I keep my cell phone too close to my uterus? Did I eat too many cookies? Really, these thoughts go through one’s head! But after some research– I am a facts and numbers kind of girl – I found out you can’t shake off a good pregnancy.
During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes. Most chromosomal abnormalities are the cause of a damaged egg or sperm cell, or are due to a problem at the time that the zygote went through the division process. (Source: American Pregnancy Association)
Now that I’ve had time to let this all sink in, I’m trying to look at the positive side of things. We have so much for which to be thankful. We are grateful to have one child already; I am physically able to conceive; this miscarriage happened at 10 weeks rather than at 5 months or, even worse, full term. We are very lucky and need to see the good in all of this. I believe there is a reason for everything in life. I am unsure why I need to go through this ordeal, but hopefully one day it will all make sense.
(To be continued)
I’m so sorry this happened to you, Maya. I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my now 8 and half month old son Harrison, so I totally empathize with you. I had never experienced any complications or difficulties with my first pregnancy so miscarriage came as a huge shock to me. It was a very painful experience for me – both physically and emotionally. I remember feeling so sad and I still feel sad when I think back to the whole ordeal. I tried Misoprostal but it didn’t work for me. I then had a D&C, which was a very quick and painless procedure. I was finally able to get some closure and move on. I had my miscarriage in the November and got pregnant in early February after just 1 normal cycle. As I said before, I now have the most perfect baby boy. At the time, people tried to help me rationalize that the miscarriage was a ‘blessing in disguise’, that it wasn’t meant to be, that G-d was sparing me from a potentially worse situation. All those things made me feel slightly better but they also made me feel angry because deep down I wanted to feel allowed to be sad and I needed to feel the pain to work through it. At the end of the day, the only thing that healed me completely was getting pregnant again. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, but it was a dark time for me. No one understands the disappointment or sadness unless they’ve been through it themselves. I just wanted to share my experience with you. My story has a very happy ending as I’m sure yours will too. Hang in there.
Nicky
I just read part 1 and realized your story was about your friend. I am sorry for your friend and hope you can pass my reply on to her.
Hi Nicky,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. So happy to hear that there’s a happy ending 🙂 As I’m sure there will be one for my friend. I will def. pass her your message / story. Hope you’re enjoying your summer 🙂 xoxo
I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss. I can’t imagine how she is feeling, at least she has found a therapeutic way to move through her pain by writing her thoughts down.