When I was pregnant with our second child, the most common declaration that my husband and I heard from other parents is that the biggest challenge of parenthood was going from one child to two. Even my sister-in-law who has FOUR kids said that this statement resonated with her. So we were prepared for the “worst”. However, so far our experience (albeit… we’re only 7 weeks in with our second child) has been quiet different.
You see, both my husband and I feel and remember our experience with our oldest son to be absolutely CRAZY. We both deem that having him was the biggest change in our lives; and going from one to two hasn’t been all that bad.
My first born son, Kyle, was very colic for the first 3 months of his life. So beyond not knowing what “to do” in general as a first time mom, I really couldn’t do much to help ease his pain but let time pass. I was in a lot of physical pain after labour and breastfeeding wasn’t as natural as everyone told me it would be. Oh ya, I also had the baby blues. Needless to say I wasn’t truly prepared for motherhood (is anyone really?). In my mind it was all lollipops and gumdrops, la, la, la. I don’t think I truly understood how it would change my lifestyle, and how bringing a third person into our family would change the dynamic between my husband and I.
The experience with Ryan, my second son, has been very different, almost the opposite. Ryan is not colic, he’s calm, and he eats and sleeps well. He also started smiling and laughing “early” on (at 4 weeks), so I received love and emotional feedback almost immediately. Physically, I also felt fine right away, and so far, I haven’t felt any blues.
Which brings me to the question I’m constantly asking myself…. is it easier for us having our second child because Ryan is an easy baby? OR, is it because I’ve adjusted to motherhood?
Is it a “it’s not me,… it’s you!” OR “it’s not you…. it’s me!” case?
Would love to hear other experiences. If you have more than one child, what was your second like? Did you find it harder going from zero kids to one, or from one to two.
I’m certainly hoping I still feel that the experience of going from one to two was manageable in a few month. Both for my sake and for any other parents who are considering two kids and like me have heard only the bad stories!
My first baby was easy. She hardly ever cried. Looking back on it, I think it was because I had all the time in the world to tend to her every need. My second baby (2 years later), though no more demanding, was more work. Luckily he had a pleasant personality. However, I had a harder time recovering physically from his birth (he was 9lbs, my daughter was 6lbs), so I felt worse. Plus I had to keep a two-year-old who was used to my undivided attention busy while I looked after the baby. I think it’s a combination of the baby’s personality and how the mommy is feeling. And the thing is, it changes from month to month. Just when I thought I had everything worked out, each of my children would hit a new phase and throw me for a loop. Aahh, motherhood. 😉
yup! u just never know what’s going to happen the next day, do u!! sounds like u had the opposite experience than me. so that would do it… I guess it’s just different for everyone. but I think ur experience is more common. as of that were to help matters. lol
I’ve heard that often from friends with two kids. If the first was easy, the second was not so easy. And if the first was tough, the second was easy.
Maya, I love your post! It takes me back to the days when I had just one and two. I really think it’s a mix of mother’s and baby’s personality. For example, I had an easier time with my four than my sister with her two and my mom kept telling me to give her advice. But then I had my turn with number five who till this day is difficult..she cries a lot, wants to be held all the time, doesn’t sleep well etc. SO, I definitely think it’s a combination of mommy and baby.
My youngest’s name is Kyle! My oldest was a much more difficult baby, but at the same time he was very portable. He slept anywhere and if he cried I could whip out my boob and nursing solved the problem (90% of the time). Kyle, however, rarely cried – but when he did – nursing didn’t help. He also would only sleep in his crib, and hated the car.
yes, yes, yes. same here!!! for now at least….