Before I started my blog about the craziness that is Parenthood, I was young(er), rounder around my belly, had swollen ankles and I was hormonal. Also known as being pregnant! But I was also on cloud nine, blissful and excited to meet my bundle of joy; my first child. I was recently taken back to this time period.
A few weeks ago, on a chilly Sunday afternoon, the boys and I sat in a local arena watching my husband play hockey. My newborn was sound asleep in the stroller. My oldest two boys were on the bench watching the game, or off the bench running around and being playful. We hung out with some of the other wives and kids. One of the wives was pregnant with her first child. She told me that she and her husband have been trying to conceive for a year and a half before she got pregnant. She had a glow in her eye as she asked me question after question about newborns and what to expect. She spent most of the game sitting at the edge of the bench joyfully watching my newborn sleep away. I envied her glow and her excitement. I forgot what it felt like to expect your first and going through that euphoria. The feeling of daydreaming about a “perfect” life when your precious bundle of joy arrives. My husband and I stayed awake each night talking about our unborn son, what he would be like, what our new family would look like, what we would all do together and more. We read “What to Expect” religiously, we read our son stories in utero, and rubbed my belly constantly. All of our conversations revolved around our unborn first child or inevitably lead to that.
When I was expecting with my second and third, I didn’t have the same feelings. Not because I wasn’t as excited (and I was!), I just didn’t have the luxury to daydream because I was running around looking after my kids. I was also extremely aware of the reality of life with a newborn. The longer I could keep them in, the longer I can delay the sleepless night, crying and physical pains that come with labour and breastfeeding.
That’s why I decided to not tell this excited mother-to-be too much. I wasn’t lying or deceiving but I also wasn’t forthcoming. I wanted her to enjoy these moments of happy anticipation because reality will soon set in. Besides, I knew she would (or likely already has) receive lots of advice from family, friends and even strangers. She’s probably read all of the books that offer conflicting advice. I didn’t want to be another person to rain on her parade. It was more enjoyable to watch her with the constant grin and sparkle in her eye whenever she looked at my newborn son.
She’ll have plenty of time to recount all of the stories other experienced mom’s have told her when she’s up and awake throughout the night feeding her newborn or having difficulties breastfeeding or rocking her baby back to sleep for the fourth time in an hour. For now, I’ll just let her enjoy the wonder that is expecting for the first time.
So true! People always talk about how difficult labour is, no one ever mentions how difficult life with a newborn is. I wish I would have been told then I wouldn’t have felt so alone and inadequate.
It’s true… but isn’t the unknown so blissful? I also believe it’s a right of passage. Even if someone told you, you wouldn’t “Truly” know or understand until you went through it.
I would love to go back and have my first baby all over again. Knowing what I know now!!! All the reading in the world didn’t really prepare me for what it was all about. Having to go through it is the only way, then when the second one comes along, you are an old pro. Lots and lots of work.
OMG… I’ve been saying that so much lately. I would do it all over again and completely different. It’s amazing what you don’t know as a first time mom. Live and learn I guess. You definitely have to go through it yourself though. Nothing can truly prepare you for it except the experience itself.
I was my mom’s first born. She says she loved being pregnant because of that mysterious joy.
Love that 🙂
i remember our ‘babymoon’ we were over the moon until reality set in and we were wondering so when does baby sleep through the night?
My youngest is pregnant with her first baby and its just magical watching her go through each stage. When I was pregnant I was my healthiest and she is the same way! She has no idea what’s about to hit her, but none of us do, do we? We’ll just enjoy her pregnancy with her; she lives with us, so its lovely!
Everyone has a different journey and the experience is our own, enjoy
Good advise, don’t rain on any ones excitement. I tend to be the realist, so find that hard to not do. But I totally see why.
Oh I remember the excitement would do it again in a moment
It’s so true. We are currently trying for child number 5 and I remember the feelings with my first and you are right they are not the same with subsequent pregnancies as happy as I was with all of them, the first always had more to it somehow but not in a bad way.
Your story is so sweet! I am a Mom of 5 and every pregnancy was different and trying for #6 did not happen but we now have 1 grandchild and 1 on the way, another blog post for you some day I am sure! 🙂
My best friend is like that! asking so many questions, always smiling and excited which I totally love. She is pregnant with her first and I just had my second 2 month ago. I was still excited for our second and had a happy pregnancy just like my first but I know what you mean. It wasnt exactly the same. My husband and I didn’t wonder much about what she would be like or look like etc…more so how is our daughter going to react lol. i would do it all over in a heart beat tho 🙂
Aww thanks for a sharing your wonderful story. I always check out baby videos on youtube.
I am pregnant with baby #4 and almost 20 weeks (I think…) and I have been neglecting my fetus 🙁 My doctor gave the fetus a #NeglectedFetus nickname and up until a few hours ago I was so immersed with all the other crap that was going on that I hadn’t put much thought into him. But then he kicked, or punched, or maybe he hiccupped but for 2 minutes I got a reminder that he was in me and not to be forgotten, he is to be loved. So I am going back to the days when I was preggo with #1 and going to glow again, after my nap of course.
I remember my first time being pregnant. What a beautiful time…
I had such a different experience with my first and second children. My first, I was 16, without the father in my life and excited and scared all at the same time. My second, I was 40, with the father in my life but still excited and scared all at the same time. It really was like having my first all over again, after 24 years. Both were deliciously wonderful experiences yet in different ways. Thanks for the great post. (I like that you didn’t try to burst her bubble…I wish people had felt that way with me for both of my pregnancies.)