Sometimes life has a funny way to show you that some things are truly out of your control. I am probably one of the most free-range parents you will ever meet and I wanted more than anything to not raise “mama’s boys”… well guess what? My oldest son is the most cautious kid I have ever met. He gets so worried and worked up about safety. Like… WAY MORE than me. For example, when his younger brothers run around outside, he is the one chasing and yelling after them to stop or stay closer, whereas I don’t mind, and typically just sit back and watch. And for the “No mama’s boys” things? Well, all three boys ARE… especially the youngest (although, I don’t really mind anymore).
But there is one thing that still troubles me. My husband as well. It is the fact that our kids are capable of so much, but they really lack independence. From doing basic stuff around the house (like pouring their own cereal and milk) to just playing independently. A part of it is the fact that my husband and I always rush to do everything for (or with) them… often because it’s quicker and doesn’t result in tears. But why can’t my kids just play independently? Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Here’s why…
Typically after school, my kids and I will stay around in the school yard before going home. The playground is full of other kids who are part of the after-school program. These kids run around and play together with minimal input from the teachers. My kids on the other hand are either sitting right next to me or refuse to go and play unless I play with them or watch them. The other kids don’t have this option (or luxury), but my kids do. And if I refuse? They just won’t play! It’s really a vicious cycle, and I’m not sure how to change it besides signing them up for the after-school program (which obviously I won’t due because I’m at home, so it would be a waste of money… or would it??)
Does my constant presence and ability to be completely attentive to my kids and their needs cause me to smother them too much and hinder their abilities to become independent?
I guess what I’m trying to figure out is whether my children’s lack of independence is related to the fact that I am a stay at home mom. I would love for you to weigh in, whether you work or stay at home, are your kids independent or dependent and what factors do you believe determined their level of independence?
So interesting! My stepdaughter is similar, she wants to be watched or have us engaged while playing a lot of the time. It was definitely harder when she was younger but now that she’s older things have gotten better – she’s better at independent play and is more self sufficient. How do your kids make out at school during recess/lunch? My big kids definitely act a different way with care providers than with us. *I am rolling my eyes at this annoying fact, haha. Darn kids.*
Wow…this is real food for thought…I’d say most of my kids are independent. Does that mean I don’t do things for them or they don’t want me to do more things for them!? No. Of course, they’d love for me to do everything but I’m only one and they are many…I work but I’m home with them after school most days. I’m not sure this is related. They help around the house with laundry or lunches. During play time I used to start off playing with them and when they were into the game I’d let them play on their own gradually getting them play longer on their own. In the park we rotate, sometimes I’m playing with them and sometimes I’m talking with other mom’s and that’s “my” time. If they sit around it’s usually time to go home. We also play this game in the park where I give them tasks like running to a tree and back, or going down the slide twice, this way I’m playing “with” them but not really. Good luck and enjoy raising your beautiful family!!!
I’m a work from home Mom. And my son is NOT independent. Maybe it’s because there is a big age gap with his sisters and there are basically 4 grown-ups watching him all the time. I’m hoping he grows out of it.
Omg! That’s John to a T! .. I do work from home so I guess I am considered a stay at home mom and if I’m not avail, he has grandma, who is a ‘stay at home grandma’, since she lives with us. This is so interesting! I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this.
I don’t think it’s nevesssrily that you are stay at home. I completely understand this though. I said to my husband in the summer we really need to work on some life skills with these kids like taking the bus on their own and actually doing well with money. My kids depend on us for a lot still. One needs a lot more supervision than the other but both have attention issues and that’s where it gets messy here. It would be great if my kids were super independent and able to actually manage their time but I have a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old who are still not good at time management. However for the most part they get to the tween and teen years and they get independent on their own often and they don’t really want you around that much sometimes so it will happen regardless of whether you are a stay at home mom or not I think.
Hmmm. I would say it’s been more temperament with my kids. Some are more daring than others. I’ve worked at home for almost 10 years now and find that they are very independent in the house because they feel safe knowing I’m there. But are much more cautious than other kids outside the house.