I guess it’s official… I’m 40. It both feels like a privilège (to age), but it also hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m grateful, but I’m also not happy about it. With that I guess, comes some life lessons. Mostly that the more I learn, the less I know. However, I have picked up a few life lessons along the way. You may not relate to all of them, but my hope is that you can identify with at least one or two of these, or perhaps find your ‘Aha’ moment in my list. Here are the 40 things I learned in 40 years, in no particular order.
You are never too old to try new things. Whether this is a hobby (like learning how to sew or bake), taking up running or starting your business. Age is just a number. It shouldn’t stop you for learning and growing or FINALLY doing the thing you have always wanted to do and learn. Of course, the sooner you start, the longer you can enjoy it.
No matter how old you are you’ll always try to please your parents. I’m 40 and I still worry about how my parents will react to certain actions and decision I make. I often share only half of the truth to save them from the ‘horror’. That doesn’t mean I make decisions based on their point of view, but I still care about making them happy. I wonder if the feeling will ever go away…
Be kind because everyone is fighting a hard battle. My general philosophy in life is to BE KIND, period! But the truth is, it’s also important to do that even if you’re struggling or having a hard day or if you feel that someone is not being kind to you. I know I struggle with this myself sometimes, but often, when others are not kind to me, it’s because they are going through something themselves and they just have ZERO energy left to give to anyone else. I’ve been there myself, so I get it. A little bit of kindness and understanding or even just removing yourself from the situation is probably the best thing for everyone.
Be Nice to People on Your Way Up. You’ll Meet Them On Your Way Down. I remember learning this quote in my early 20s when I started working in the corporate world. The truth is, most of us will never necessarily ‘go down’, but the point is, be humble. You yourself at one point was just starting off and think how much better your experience or life could have been if everyone around you, especially those ‘above you’, were kinder. I know for me, this differentiated the GREAT managers that I’ve had from the others who made me question my sanity.
You will eventually stop caring about what others think of you. EVENTUALLY! I spent my whole life caring about others opinions and if I’m being truthful, I still do a little. But caring about others opinions usually only crashes your dreams and ambitions and doesn’t put you any further ahead to where you want to be. Besides, you are the only expert in what is best for you. And your happiness shouldn’t be determined by others feelings, only your own. Now that I care less about other’s opinons, I often feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I’m calmer and happier in my decisions.
Remember that mental health is just as important as physical health. The truth is, I only started experiencing anxiety two years ago. A year after I began my health and wellness journey. Even though I felt great physically, I wasn’t healthy. My mind was not in a good place and I often found myself crying in bed and anxious. Those days never felt good. Luckily I have an amazing support system and I found other ways to deal with it – like writing down my feelings (& sharing them with the world on social media) or speaking to my best friend about it. I also deal with my anxiety through running. Now, my anxious days are far and few in between.
Being busy is overrated. I don’t know why, but our society values busyness. The thing is, I was always a ‘work fast, not hard’ kinda person, so this never made sense to me. After becoming a mom, I found myself BUSY all the time and gosh, I hated it. I craved alone time, lazy time, and generally anything that allowed me to just lie down mindlessly. I think that we need to start praising and encouraging those around us when they are relaxing and finding time to do nothing. I think for me that was the silver lining of COVID. I wasn’t so busy anymore and I found myself enjoying the simple things in life and it was glorious.
You don’t need a lot of friends you just need a few really good friends. I’ve had friends come and go throughout my life. But I also have friends that I’ve known for ages, including one that I met at age 6 when I lived in Israel. I left when I was 8 years old, and we still speak to one another almost daily. I’m grateful of my small group of supporters who I can always count on.
The days are long, but the years are short. This is something that I truly only appreciated once I became a mother. 10 years later, and I still feel this way. Some days feel like they will never end, but also I can’t believe that my ‘baby’ is 6. I feel like my oldest was JUST born, but really, that was 10 years ago.
Time is a thief. Similarly to the above, time moves in a speed that is hard to understand and appreciate. The days when my kids were babies were hard, but there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t give to relive some of those moments with my kids again.
Find a partner that can make you laugh everyday and never stops to tell you how beautiful you are. John isn’t only my best-friend, but he’s someone who truly appreciates me, even 17 years later. He always has my back, and he prioritizes our relationship above all else. Our mutual respect and love for one another is why we have such a great marriage (not without its faults of course). That and the fact that we outsource the house cleaning 😉
Family is everything. Yes, being a parent is hard and exhausting, but the love that you get is like no other. It’s worth the lack of sleep, stress and guilt. I can’t imagine not having my kids or husband or parents or siblings. Whatever your family looks like, treat it like gold. When everything goes downhill, they will be the ones that will always have your back.
It’s never too late to change your path/career find a passion and give it your best. At 14 I started working part-time and I was sure that I would be a ‘career woman’, working until I die. At 30 I quit my job (after being promoted to management and completing my MBA), and a year later, I started my blog. I was always told that my writing is terrible (my grammar does suck and my vocabulary isn’t that spectacular) but here I am, making a living from my story telling. It’s nothing I ever imagined I would be doing, but here we are! And I’m loving every minute of it.
Priorities change. Similar to the above. I started off my journey into adulthood focused on my career. I quickly realized that it’s not how I wanted to spend my time. I’m not saying that this is right for everyone, but your priorities might change in different ways. Whatever it is, be open to changing your priorities. Even for me, when I started blogging, I prioritized it and then I switched to prioritizing my boys, and now, I prioritize my health. The first thing I do every morning before anything else is work-out.
Find some form of cheap therapy. For me, it’s been running, blogging, and sharing my thoughts and feelings on social media and venting with my best-friend (judgement free). For you, it might be journaling, yoga, meditating, walks, etc… But if it’s not enough, don’t be ashamed of getting professional help. Mental health is HEALTH!
It’s not about being busy it’s about prioritizing. I learned about this recently. I used to always say ‘I don’t have enough time’. The truth is, it was just about prioritizing. If you want to make time for working out, prioritize it. If you want to make time for your family and friends, prioritize it. That means, stop scrolling on your phone for an hour. Or stop cleaning the house daily (or better yet, delegate it to someone else). Prioritize what you want to do, and do those things FIRST (literally schedule them into your day). That’s what I started doing almost 3 years when I put my health first. I did my workouts / runs first thing in the morning. Work and errands came afterwards.
Read more. This is something I actually learned this past year during COVID. I used to read maybe one book a year. I’m not on my 13th book in about 9 months. I make time for reading (see above), even if it’s just half an hour a day or during my baths. It’s so enriching and stimulating and a good break from Netflix.
Laugh often. There truly is no better medicine and it’s the easiest and quickest way to make you, and those around you, feel better instantly.
Smile whenever you can even if you look ridiculous. I smile A LOT. Sometimes when it’s completely inappropriate (like when my kids misbehave and I’m trying to be stern with them). But similar to laughing, smiling is such an easy way to make you and those around you feel better. I’ll often find myself smiling at strangers while walking down the street. I mean, why not? And maybe it’ll make someone feel better too…
Have the hard conversations NOW. Whether it’s confronting those that have hurt you. Or telling those that you love them when you haven’t in a while. Yes, it’s hard, but there’s no better feeling than getting something off your chest.
Go out of your way to be kind. You don’t need a reason to be kind. Just do it. Especially if you’re having a crappy day. It’ll lift your spirits up immediately.
Listen more talk less. I often tell my kids this, but the truth is, I need to do this myself. I used to be such a good listener, but something changed as I aged. I need to go back to that…
You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. Not everyone will like you but that doesn’t diminish your worth or value. I mean, it’s not always easy to accept this truth, but i mean, do you like everyone? No.
The more I learned the less I know. In my 20s I thought I knew everything. In my 30’s I realized how little I actually knew about life and everything else. I’m sure my 40’s will be more of the latter. But that’s okay… I love the journey of daily learning and growing.
It’s okay to try to figure out what you want from life. Or if you want more than what you currently have. But don’t put your life on pause or on hold while you’re figuring it out. Sometimes what we want is already right in front of us. We just haven’t figured it out yet…
Start a journal and write down as many details as you can. I often think I’ll remember certain details because they are so meaningful or unique or funny, bu within days, I already forget. I wish I had started a journal from the first day Kyle was born.
Traveling is good for the soul. Exploring, learning and meeting new people will not only broaden your horizon, but will introduce you to new experiences and cultures. It’s all so beautiful and interesting and will keep you young at heart. Profiles on Naughty Adult Personals offer glimpses into potential connections.
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want & need. The worst thing that could happen is that someone will say ‘no’! But you’ll find that more often than not, you’ll get what you’re seeking.
There’s no place like home. Slightly contradictory to my thought above, but it’s true. The more I travel, the more I realize how amazing my home is. Both in terms of the city I live in, but also in terms of where my family and friends are. It’s always nice to return home after traveling.
Advocate for yourself. Because no one else will. Believe in yourself, and others will too.
There is never a good (or perfect) time. If you want to do something or say something, just do it NOW. There is never a ‘perfect’ time. There’s always a reason or excuse to put something off and no matter of the circumstance, doing it now is always the best option.
Don’t let people rent space in your head for free. We’ve all been hurt by people we’ve met along the way. And I’ll be the first to admit that I ‘forgive’ but don’t forget. That results in a lot of wasted time thinking about those individuals and how they’ve wronged me. It’s hard to do, but it’s important to not let these individuals consume your time and energy.
We are all a work in progress
Don’t sweat the small stuff. I know this is easier for me because I’m pretty laid back but it truly does help reduce stress and anxiety. Similar to ‘chose your battles’. Something I learned quickly once I became a mom.
Give yourself a break. It’s hard to live in the moment, and we always feel bad after we have a freak out over ‘nothing’ in the grand scheme of things. It’s called being human. It’s normal and natural. Give yourself a break. It’s soooo hard to be mindful and calm all the time.
A good cry is necessary every once in a while. Whether it’s over a sappy movie, hormones’, or anxiety. A cry is a great way to release toxins from your body and make yourself feel relieved. Don’t fight it…
Take deep breaths…. OFTEN!
Age is just a number. Seriously… I can’t believe I’m 40. Sometimes I still feel like I’m 20. I’m still waiting to feel ‘grown up!’
You can be grateful, but still have negative feelings. It’s not realistic or human to always just be happy with everything. You are multifaceted and brillant. Not everything in life will please you, but that doesn’t mean you’re not grateful either.
Celebrate every little bit of life’s moments. One day you will look back and realize they were the big things.
Love hard and deeply.