I recently wrote about my struggles of being a stay-at-home-mom (you can read about it here). Not that I don’t love this “gig” and there’s really nothing else I would rather do. My post was to highlight the repetitive aspect of being a stay-at-home-mom and how there truly isn’t a real break. There is no 9 to 5. It’s more like 24/7, much like parenting is for most people except I’m physically with my kids every second of every day.
Well, another not-so-great aspect of being a stay-at-home-mom dawned on me recently. Has being a stay-at-home-mom made me a worse parent? Is my parenting style inferior to those of others, my husband included, because I’m a stay-at-home-mom?
In a recent playdate with a friend of mine, she had mentioned how she and her husband spend so much quality one-on-one time with her daughter on the weekend since they hardly see her during the week due to work commitments and other life demands. They basically settle with her on the floor, free from distractions like Television and their phones, and play with her, take her out, and so-forth. It got me thinking… Sure, I do all of those things with my boys too, but not ALWAYS! I’m distracted… I check my phone when I’m with them. I’ll plop them down in front of the T.V. so I can get a few minutes to myself, and I often encourage them to play independently even if I’m just sitting right next to them staring out into space with a blank expression on my face.
I also find that I’m less likely to be strict with my kids about every little thing. I pick my battles! My husband on the other hand, is much stricter. If we’ve selected a specific parenting philosophy, he’ll see it through with every situation that may arise. I on the other, select certain aspect on which I’ll follow through. I know that it’s not ideal, and I’m sending mixed messages, but heck… I have to see my kids all the time. I can’t deal with tantrums all day long. I’m not built like that. If sometimes my kids want a (very high in sugar, no health benefit at all) treat before lunch and it will provide me with five minutes of alone-time and silence, I’m going to oblige. It’s just realistic… at least for me and my sanity!
Treats before lunch… mostly because I wanted Starbucks and I wanted to sit-down and enjoy my coffee!
I know I’m being a little hard on myself, but this is the truth! This is how I cope with being a stay-at-home-mom and keep my sanity. It’s how I maintain a smile on my face almost all the time and how I can go to sleep happy at night. It’s not perfect, but it’s MY perfect. I know I’m not a great parent or even a good parent. Right now I’ll settle for “world’s okayest mom.”
Ditto Maya, I like to think I need to be a “mombie” sometimes just going through the motions to save myself. I can’t always be 100%, I need to take some for myself in this 24/7 gig
There are very few mom blogs that really strike a chord with me and I could have written this. I love it. Totally agree.
Thanks Sarah. I really appreciate your comment… Means a lot to me. Always good to know we’re not alone in this crazy journey of parenting! Xoxo
Don’t sweat it. You will never regret this time spent with your kids. In the middle of it all, you will find yourself thinking, good grief, is this ever going to end? And then poof, it’s over, and they’re adults.
Weekends with your kids is not the same as all week with your kids. Everyone is different, and maybe that’s what your friends need to do to survive. Don’t apologize for wanting to be there, but don’t be afraid to learn as you go, as well.
Twenty years ago, I was a stay-at-home dad when that was a very rare thing. I got some strange looks now and then, but I was certainly welcome at the neighbourhood playgroup when it was time to put the heavy gym equipment away.
Not having two incomes required that we made some sacrifices, so we weren’t going to DisneyWorld or Mexico every spring break, mostly because that wasn’t our thing, anyway. Instead, we scrimped and saved, then took a year off and travelled around the world with our kids because that was our thing (well, maybe my wife’s thing, but never mind).
Do your thing, be with your kids, and be the okay mom that they will grow to love and respect.
Would love to hear more about your travelling adventures! I am a stay-at-home mom and we are in the dream phase of a year off with the kids to explore. 🙂 Encouraging to hear that it can be done and can go beyond the dream phase.
Your littles are the cutest. I love the boots.
No comments on the post subject. 😛
I can relate to this!! I have a 2 year old and I am a stay at home mom who is trying to recover my health! There are times when a cookie and fire trucks on YouTube are all that give my time to workout without having him under my feet – and you better believe I’m taking it lol. I see the value in not wavering in our decisions and keeping that stability to what our expectations for our kids are – but on the flip side, I think our moments of caving are equally as valuable! We are showing them that it’s ok to compromise and teaching them that it’s ok to change your mind. I think it’s important for them to see both aspects.
Hahaha… ya took the words right out of my head. I always wondered if I’m not as good a parent because I let my 2-year-old run free outside his playpen, until dad the disciplinarian comes in and bellows that he’s going to fall out the backdoor or some other inane worry. Then I realized that letting things go is the only way to sustain patience and sanity in the long run. Kids are much more likely to respect and work with an adult who isn’t strict about every little thing.
My husband runs out of patience within an hour if he’s left with my son, and he definitely can’t pick his battles or be realistic about what a kid that age will and won’t do. You’re a better parent, not a worse one, for being a SAHM, because you know your kids inside out and how to get everyone through the day without expending a ridiculous amount of effort, and with sanity intact.
I often felt like I was a bad mom because I couldnt stay at home and had to provide for my kids…I always had pictures of them on my locker for when I’d break down and cry ..it was to remind me why I was there. to put clothes on their backs and food in their tummys …. no ones the perfect mom, not even Princess Diana