Today, I failed as a parent.
It was 7:30 PM and I was losing my mind. It wasn’t the first time this had happened today. I probably lost my cool on three separate occasions. But tonight, I made threats, I yelled and I stomped on the floor as I was heading towards my sons’ room. My four-year old son Kyle was crying and he was keeping our two-year old up (they share a room now). After tuck-in, my son “realized” he didn’t’ have socks and he asked me to get some for him (sleep stall tactic #98). I told him to get the socks himself and put them on (knowing it was a stall tactic and having seen him do both of those things before, I didn’t cave to his request). Of course, he demanded and kept on insisting that I do it and when I refused, he started to cry, turned on the lights in his room and I started my tirade.
Today, I failed as a parent
My two-year old son Ryan was acting out in his first gymnastics class this morning. He wanted everything to himself or as he calls it “No Kids!” So when he went on the trampoline, he “hugged” or choked and he even bit other kids who also wanted to play on the trampoline. If other kids were using equipment he wanted, he would just push them. Typically it was gentle, but kids are kids and they fall over and cry (as you would expect). I took Ryan aside each and every single time and I told him that we can’t touch / hit / bite / push, etc… It happened so often though I was exhausted by the 100th time. I just wanted to yank him out of there. Of course, it didn’t help that the teachers were reprimanding him as well, making me feel like the worst mother in the world and making me question “why is it only my kid that’s acting this way? Why won’t he just listen to me!” So tonight, when we were getting ready for bed, and Ryan wouldn’t listen to me for the 101 time and instead started rolling around, acting goofy and grabbing for the iPad, I grabbed him hastily and walked quickly towards his room. Fuming, I put him in his crib and closed the door and didn’t even turn back to see him pout and start to cry while calling for his “Ima” (aka Mommy in Hebrew).
Today, I failed as a parent
Tonight, I wanted all of my boys in bed and asleep as soon as possible. I’m still awake several times throughout the night feeding our seven month old. I run around all day taking my kids to programs or picking up my oldest for lunch. There are meals that need to be cooked, kitchen to clean and sometimes, just sometimes, I have to sneak a “potty” break. I just really wanted some alone, quiet, ME time and I wanted it sooner than they did.
Today, I failed as a parent
I forgot that my son is only two. He’s just learning about sharing and playing together with others. He’s just learning about personal space and keeping his hands to himself. My son’s personality is different from others and while he may not be great at some things, he is great at others. He’s extremely verbal for his age and he has a great vocabulary. He has an amazing photographic memory and he adores helping out. He also just loves his two brothers.
Today, I failed as a parent
Today, I failed as a parent, but tomorrow, I get to try again.
Finally asleep!
We’ve all been there, and for you to go through all of that all on your own all day long, it’s very stressful and tiring, but you worked it out calmed the boys down and they are sleeping and they still love you very much!!
You’re not alone. 🙁
Very well written!
I has almost the same day…but only with one 3 yr old girl. Don’t know how you do it? Thanks for sharing. I’ve been feeling the failure all day but it helped to read your post. Yes, I get to try again tomorrow :-). Thanks.
Thanks for sharing the gritty, imperfect parenting moments that we all have, but aren’t always eager to let the world know about. Showing your kids that Mommy is human and makes mistakes (and apologizes for them) is an important lesson. You didn’t fail them at all…you gave them a lesson in humility and forgiveness. I’m sending huge hugs of encouragement your way…tomorrow will be better. 🙂
Oh you are not alone! I think we’ve all had days where we want nothing more than our time. You’re a good mama and doing it solo all day isn’t easy. We have our breaking points but you did well. You calmed the storm and it’s true tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. Great post!
I don’t think you failed at all! There are always days like these. But if you give in to stall tactics they start employing them everyday and for every single thing. I too have had these days, and like you, I end up feeling like crap and lying next to them in bed feeling guilty, but I think this is part of it. They need to learn all those lessons you taught today. You did not fail. Yes, maybe a bit more patient. But nobody is perfect! Nobody gets to keep it cool ALL the time. Cut yourself some slack. They also need to learn that mommy is human, with limits, and that they are responsible for not overstepping them.
Ahhh Story of my life! I had a morning like that. Thx for sharing.
Awww… I absolutely loved this and needed it more than you know…exactly today! For the first time in 5 months I found myself struggling with my son. I was at the end of my rope and didn’t know what to do! I started to cry, overfilled with emotions I’ve never felt before! How could my perfect angel who blessed our lives not long ago be defying me? Was it a temper tantrum, tiredness, hunger, boardroom or was it me? Maybe he just caught on that I have no idea what I’m doing! Everyday is full of mommy firsts and all I can do is breath and press on. But as he lay asleep in my arms even as I write this I am at piece knowing that tomorrow, I get to try again! Thank-you Maya <3
You are most definitely not alone. And you are most definitely right. Tomorrow is a new day. Now excuse me while I go hug my little ones and remind them how much I love them!
Well written post. A good example that we have all been there at one time or another.
Today , you were a normal parent , a normal human , and today you made it as a mom , because never is there giving up , but learning , for all ! Being a parent is a hard job , but its also an amazing one , not everyday will feel like that though , and that is ok to , It makes us , learn , think and be grateful for the better ones , and thankful we can make it through the others ! 😀
So, literally 30 minutes ago I was ugly-crying, snot-dripping-onto-my-iPhone bawling/texting to a friend about how I was failing at motherhood. Utterly and completely failing. Today is my 8th and final day of single parenting my 3 kids and I lost my shit almost every day this past week. That adds up to a lot of ‘Today, I Failed As A Parent’ episodes. I am glad my friend was there for me, and that I found your post via Yummy Mummy Club, because you guys reminded me that we are all doing this together. Whether we know each other or not, whether we are single parents or attached, working/not working, whatever our situation is. Motherhood is a crazy rollercoaster. And when they’re all sleeping soundly in bed, we have that second to remember how amazing it actually is. <3 Thank you, Maya!
Never think of yourself as a failure at parenting. You are not being fair to yourself. What you want to start to think about is how you can be as important as your children. Think proactively so that being overwhelmed and under appreciated is not something you feel. Once we start to criticize ourselves about how we are doing as a parent then you are measuring your importance. Never look at what you have done every day but think of how well the day went. If your child was having difficulty at gymnastics then take him to the park instead. He is two he doesn’t need a gymnastics class he really needs to spend some fun time with his happy relaxed mom. Always remember if your kids are happy you will be happy so if you are trying to accomplish to much every day to be a “good parent” then you are setting yourself up for failure. Relax and when you are overwhelmed ask for help. Take some time for yourself. For more tips on parenting and child development check out my blog.
http://www.askmarysadvice.com/?p=965
Been there, done that. They are now 21 and 19 and they survived me being their parent. Yes, I freaked out and I cried when they were small but now I look at them and see that they turned out just fine and everything is good in the world. When they were young cuddle time was the best part of my day and now they still hug and sometimes cuddle me. The same will come for you. 🙂 Now if I could just get them to change the toilet paper….
WE all have those days. I have 3 boys as well and when I find myself feeling like this, I tell them “mom needs a timeout” They then will usually play or read for a few minutes without me. Most times its all i need
Finally have a few minutes to myself to catch up on my favourite blogs…. late to the party but just wanted to say that I love this and your honesty. I often have days like this & parenting other parents is what I do for a living! thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks Ilicia. Appreciate you taking time to read my blog 🙂 Good to know I’m not alone. Just the other night, my husband said…”Tonight I feel like you did in your post and that I failed as a parent.” Good to know it’s not just mom guilt
Well if this is the case i too have also failed as a parent…children can test you,test you like you never been tested before…..you are doing well,some days just seem like that