We have all heard about parents having a favourite kid. True or false, it’s definitely a parenting topic that gets a lot of air time. Dare a parent admit that they have a favourite though as they risk being ridiculed and judged by others or worse yet, they can scar their kids for life. But if we’re honest & open here (heck, that’s what my blog is for, right?), I have a favorite! But it changes daily 😉 I guess the truth is, whether or not parents have a favourite child, they have the ability to conceal their feelings.
The same is not true about kids. Case in point, this happened with my own son a few weeks ago! As the boys were shooting golf balls in the lake as they often do, one of my kids started swinging the golf club around haphazardly. I asked him to stop because he might hit me followed up with “and then who would be your mother?” So my one son (who will not be named to protect his identity), without skipping a beat said “it’s okay, daddy will find a new mom!”
Poof… Just like that I’m completely replaceable. When I asked him if he would be okay with me finding a new dad, he said he can’t imagine living without his dad. Good answer, but back to me!! Why am I so easily replaceable? It honestly brought me to tears.
Obviously he’s Just a kid and he doesn’t understand what he’s saying but I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt.
I get it… John does everything he likes – plays baseball, can drive the cottage boat, and plays hockey (which is the reason my son said that he prefers John over me). I guess in his eyes I’m “just” the chauffeur, cook, grocery shopper, and organizer of every thing else in the house. While my husband and I try to juggle the housework equally and I can play a mean baseball game, it’s not how my son sees it.
Upon further inquiry (because I obviously couldn’t let it go), he did say that he’s only 15% sure I am replaceable (phew!!). If anything, his comments have made me focus on how I can be a better role model in his life. Someone that he respects and that he can’t live without (at least for his formative years).
Whether or not I’m his favourite, I know there’s still a place for me in his heart, even if it’s just temporary. The other night, he asked me to come and lie down with him in bed until he fell asleep. He put his arm around me and told me he loves me. At that moment, that was everything I needed to hear him to say!
Ohhh.. that would hurt anyone Mayale 🙁 but obviously know he was saying that out of backlash from being told not to do something. One day, when he’s 20/30+ years old, he’ll know all the love and dedication you put into raising them! He’ll eventually realize you’re 100% irreplaceable. I guess for now, 15% will have to do 🙁
Kids words can sting sometimes, but remember that they don’t always understand the weight of what they’re saying. Feelings change with the breeze, and he was simply reacting to you being the disciplinarian. My kids (who are older; 7 & 10) have said a few things that have stung me. Each time, I ask them how they think that makes me feel, and they begin to understand a little bit better that their words have consequences. No matter what they say or do, always know that you are irreplaceable in their lives. ❤️
I must admit I had a little giggle at first because it sounded just like a silly thing kids say, but then I thought, well actually yes without thinking children can say something that just forces a blade into the old heart. You are 173% important to him really
My daughter said yesterday that I was her favourite parent, because Daddy “is mean”. (He wouldn’t give her pudding in the car.) We both know that she’s a kid and kids say these things but it still hurts! And I certainly don’t know how to navigate that as the favourite parent, because while I don’t want to negate her thoughts or invalidate how she’s feeling, I also don’t want to encourage her to say hurtful things.
My guys go back and fourth with this. At first I wont like I was a little hurt. But then I gave my head a shake and realized they are just little words that change like the wind.
I have all boys as well, and my husband is most definitely their favourite. My husband does all the fun things, talks in funny voices and all the rest. That’s okay, they still tell me I am the best Mama.
My 6 y.o. son’s dad and I are divorced. We don’t have a court-ordered arrangement but we managed to agree to a schedule. The 3 of us still go out together as a “family”. And when we do, I can see that my son favors his dad more than me. I’m more of the disciplinarian and I’m paranoid so I don’t let him do some fun stuff (for example, I don’t like him playing in the big kids playground but his dad will let him). And he thinks that his dad’s inappropriate humor is funny.
BUT I’m the one he goes to when he’s sad, hurt, scared, shy or nervous. And he talks to me like we’re best friends. And we talk in length. And he calls me when he’s with he’s over at his dad’s. And we talk in length on the phone. He never calls his dad when he’s with me.
And I don’t mind at all that his dad is his favorite parent.