The good, the bad and the ugly of solo parenting

If you follow me on Instagram (and if you don’t, you should HERE), then you know that that I solo-parent A LOT! And to clarify, I don’t mean that I’m a single parent. Rather, my husband is often away, and therefore, I parent alone (aka solo-parent). Due to my husband’s job and position, he’s typically away for at least one overnight each week leaving me to solo-parent for two full days. Often people wonder how I do it, and while it is hard and mentally, emotionally and physically challenging at times, there are some benefits too (I promise… read on). So for those who wonder… here is the good, the bad and the ugly of solo-parenting.

THE GOOD

You plan the day your way – you don’t need to “check in” with anyone if you make any last minute playdates or dinner plans or appointments. You don’t need to be home at a specific time and you can definitely deviate from routines (like skip bath, order in or let them watch an extra show so you can clean up / get some down time)

Once the kids are in bed, the night is yours – you can catch up on your book, watch Orange is the New Black (because he refuses to watch it), catch up on social media, talk with your friends, have a long bath while enjoying a glass of red wine and your favourite magazine, and basically do anything YOU want, guilt free!

You control the remote – no more feeling guilty about watching The Bachelore (or The Bachlorette, or Bachelore in Paradise) in it’s entirety, LIVE. There’s no one there to ask you questions or make inappropriate comments. All you hear is blah, blah, blah, as you reach for the up arrow volume button on your remote control. And no, this is not the same as asking sports related questions during important sports game. Those are legit and isn’t a sports game ALWAYS on TV. Like 24/7… I digress…

THE BAD

There is NO break – from the moment you wake up, and to the moment you go to bed, and even during your sleep, you’re responsible for the kids. You’re on call, 24/7. You wake up with the kids, one by one, get them dressed and fed. Remind them to brush their teeth 100 times, and help them get out the door (no one ended up brushing their teeth of course). You drag all three kids to drop off your oldest kid at school. The walk is typically 10 minutes but with three kids in tow (literately, because you’re pulling 2 of them in a wagon), the walk takes 20 minutes somehow! After dropping off the eldest, you walk all the way back and past your home to drop off your other child in nursery school. You finally get home at 9:30 to tidy and play with your youngest until lunch time when you pick up your son from nursery school. You make lunch for the kids and put your youngest to bed. You then proceed to play with your other kid until it’s time to go and pick up the oldest from school. You feel grateful to interact with other adults during pick-up even though your kids are being total pests! After an hour or so of playing at the school, you head home for some down time which means screen time, which means, dinner prep time. You serve dinner, usually in front of the TV because it’s a “special” night (but also this is the only chance you’ll get an actual break because it’s a double whammy of food + entertainment = kids are totally distracted). You give them a bath (or you don’t), ask them to brush their teeth (which they do for 20 seconds), put on their pajamas, read them books (skipping most of the words) and put them to bed. They’ll come out at least 50 more times, but usually around 8PM, they are asleep. You have a few hours to yourself before you realize you better get to sleep because one of them will be up in less than 8 hours (if you’re lucky).

THE UGLY

Illness / potty training / anything gross and scary – Your three and a half year old decides that he doesn’t want to wear diapers over-night anymore. Guess who has to set an alarm clock for midnight to take him to the washroom? You do! Someone throws up in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning and you need to deal with THAT while taking care of two other kids. Everyone is sick all at once, including yourself. There just aren’t enough hands or energy to deal with it. Basically, plop the kids in your bed, turn on the TV, and try to fall asleep while praying the kids don’t fight and maybe, just maybe, one or all of them will fall asleep too!

There is only one of you, but multiples of THEM! – The kids are fighting (again)? YOU have to deal with it for the one-hundredth time. The kids need a glass of water, no, in the big bottle, no in the blue sippy cup, no, it’s not cold enough, no, I changed my mind, I want milk instead? YOU have to deal with all of that. You can’t run away… there’s no one else to pick up where you left off. It’s ALL YOU! You will yell and you will lose your cool and composure. You don’t want to, but you will. You don’t have a backup system, and no one to take over the “overseeing of the incident” if you just walk away. Even if you walk away, there’s a good chance the kids will be following you like a lost puppy. It’s an out of body experience to be composed and “ON” all day long. Sometimes, you just don’t want to parent, but when you’re solo-parenting, there is no “I don’t feel like it” or “I don’t want to!” You can’t pout or cry (at least not until after the kids are asleep), you just have to adult, no ifs or buts!

As an aside, mad props to all of the single parents out there. I’m in awe of how you do this whole parenting thing, even if you have help. It’s not easy, from my minimal experience of having to solo-parent a few days a week. Either way, you’re like the peanut butter to my jelly (if I liked peanut butter, but you get the point)…