I never yell at my kids! Except when I do…

Kyle, my oldest son, was about 18 months old when I yelled at him for the first time. We were at the park, and he was probably not listening or potentially hitting another kid. To be honest, I can’t remember the details (isn’t that always the case), but I’m sure it was a good reason because the next thing I remember doing is yelling at him. Within seconds, I stopped, looked around and regretted my actions immediately. It occurred to me that no one else was yelling at their kids as a form of discipline. It also opened up a flood gate of memories to my own childhood and my parents yelling at me, my siblings, and each other, over and over again. I remember hating it and how it never solved anything. From that moment on, I vowed to never yell at my kids again.

Kyle 18 months old! How could I yell at this cute face?

After that incident, I began reading and learning more about parenting philosophies and forms of discipline. One of the things that I learned that resonated with me was to never yell at your kid, unless it is an emergency. That way, the yell will have more of an impact since your child is not used to you yelling at them. I liked the reasoning and it made sense and for a while, the only time I ever raised my voice at my kids was when I thought they were in danger… “STOP, THERE’S A CAR ON THE ROAD, DON’T CROSS!” or “DON’T JUMP IN, YOU’RE NOT WEARING YOUR LIFE JACKET” and several more yells mostly related to roads and cars (city living problems).

For a while, I was really good at keeping my cool and not yelling at my kids. I always “rolled my eyes” whenever my husband would yell and gave him a hard time for not being able to “keep it together”. Of course, like all good love affairs, mine also comes to an end. I mean between me and keeping my cool. Throw in a brother (or TWO), a stay-at-home-mom who is exhausted and tired, very active kids, and I’m basically navigating the Bermuda Triangle. My sanity, calm and coolness has all but disappeared during these circumstances. You know, like when you ask your kids for the one-hundredth time to come and eat their food, put their shoes on, pick up their toys or get into the car and so on, and so on. Except, those instances aren’t even the worst of them. The ones where sh!*t hits the fan for me are when my boys hit one another, their friends, or myself. Other instances that have resulted in yelling include behaving inappropriately in public like hurting or speaking inappropriately to strangers.

I really noticed the escalation in my yelling lately, and to be truthful, I hate it. I don’t want to be that parent that yells and I know there are better ways to deal with those terrible and trying situations. But I also find that it’s so hard to take a step back or a deep breath in when you’re “in the moment” and to stop your immediate reaction (which is to yell) and respond differently.

So if you’re a non-yeller, what’s your secret? How do you do it? Tell me your secret because I want to change before I turn into… wait for it… GASP… MY PARENTS! I’m just kidding of course. Becoming my parents would be a great thing actually. Minus the yelling of course.