At a New Year’s eve party I was discussing, of all things, parenting with some of the other moms (*gasp*, right)! The topic of playing with our kids came up. While most of the husbands were downstairs playing sports with the kids, we were all quick to say how we just don’t have the energy to continuously play with our kids. We all agreed that one ‘active’ activity per day was sufficient for us and then we were fine doing quiet games with our kids (i.e. board games, card games or reading). However, it seemed that our husbands could keep going on and on. I know that’s true for us. John plans our weekends around sports activities. Ideally, a typical Saturday for him would include taking Kyle to hockey, then taking the boys skating, and then playing more sports in our basement (either more hockey or some baseball).
The thing is, all of the moms that were chatting enjoy playing sports. So we were trying to figure out what could it be. What is it that often makes dads more actively playful with their kids and why are moms more likely to enjoy quiet play? Why does it seem like dads have all the fun? Of course, we were just generalizing here. I know of a few families where the opposite is true.
So what could it be? We think (a hypothesis) that perhaps it has to do with the division of labour around the house. The moms are constantly making mental lists and thinking of EVERYTHING that they need to do for their family. From the mundane tasks of filling out school forms, signing the kids up for programs, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, planning birthday parties, family gatherings, meals and so forth. That’s a lot of BUSY, and it’s constant. We don’t have physical energy because we are mentally exhausted!
A friend of mine and I have this discussion constantly. She feels that all she does is complain to me about her husband. It’s not that he’s not helpful or a loving father and husband, but when it comes down to it, he’ll only “help” her out if she asks him to. She just wishes he would take the lead and do things around the house without her nudging. I guess we all just want some help clearing out mental space in our heads. If we had that, I wonder if we would have more energy for our kids?!?!
A post on Scary Mommy titled “Why I’m Done Asking My Husband To Help Me Out” sums it up perfectly: There are lots of things I’d like to own in this life: a fancy boat, an expensive car, a machine that folds laundry for me. But 100 percent responsibility for our household and our children is not one of those things. I only want 50 percent of that.
What do you think? Do you agree or disagree?
One afternoon, as I walked by my kids’ youth group I noticed that all the girl groups we sitting in a circle, each age group forming their own circle, and in the middle was a collection of food…um, junk food. On the other side of the field were the boy groups, playing catch, soccer or other high energy games…I don’t think the girls were more mentally drained than the boys, and none of them are parents, so no excuse for being tired. They probably all get the same amount of sleep!? My conclusion from this and other observations of my own children is that boys are just more active and have more active energy than girls. Sort of like the energizer bunny vs a cheaper brand battery, boys are like the energizer bunny, always on the move, and girls, well, we really want to be active but “die out” much faster. So dads, being boys, simply have more active energy than us moms and I’m fine with that.
Since I was part of that discussion on NYE, I totally agree. Thanks for making me feel normal!
Amen! I completely agree that all of the other ‘stuff’ we Moms do to keep the household running is exhausting. No matter how “enlightened” we are (it IS 2016, after all), the same stereotypical roles still apply. I am mentally and physically tired every day, but couldn’t imagine my children not having these experiences. I want them to do activities, have great birthday parties that they’ll remember when they’re older, and all of the other things that make for a memorable childhood. I just wish it wasn’t always ME who was doing them.
My husband has been trying to get me to go for a walk on the treadmill with him after bedtime (while we watch a show) but I have been super resistant because I am so exhausted at the end of the day. I even went to the doctor recently to see if something was wrong! I just bought a Fitbit to count my steps & have solved the mystery. I am a stay at home mom of three & I never go to the gym. On my laziest days I average 10,000 steps, busy days are 15,000. My husband averages 5000…..so it just kind of makes sense that he has the energy to run around in the backyard for 20 minutes with a soccer ball! Start counting your steps. I suspect that may be why you are too tired to play! Maybe get your husband to do the same & challenge him to get 4000 steps in while doing the laundry 😉