I live in a very friendly neighborhood. All of our neighbors stop to chat and help out whenever needed. It’s also a walking neighborhood where we’re able to walk everywhere we need to get to including playgrounds, school, banks, grocery shopping, coffee shops, clothing stores, presents, toys and much more. With so much walking, it’s inevitable that you will frequently run into the same people. Familiar faces are everywhere, so someone is bound to nod, smile or even say hi.
More recently, with my baby bump protruding, more and more people in my neighborhood have stopped to speak to me. They typically ask me first is if I am in fact pregnant (Yes, I am…), which in of itself is a pretty risky question to ask a women. Next they ask if the two boys dangling off me are my boys (Yes, they are) and then comes the question that I dread the most “oh………. are you hoping for a girl?”. Instead of telling them to mind their own business, which is what I really want to say, I politely smile and with a slight giggle I say “No, I already know it’s a boy”. With the biggest look of disappointment, they look back at me and all they can say is “ohhhhh….”
What irks me is the following:
1. It seems that as of lately, our society has been favouring the birth of girls over boys. I’m not sure where this came from, but I find it strange. Just as it was strange that not so long ago, the emphasis was on boys. I believe that the thinking is along the lines of the special bond a daughter has with her mother and the fact that she will take better care of her aging parents compared to her male siblings. While I know this to be true for several families, I also know of many families who have sons with close relationships to their mothers and take care of their parents. For every mom that I know that has a close relationship with her daughter, I know another that doesn’t.
2. It seems that people think I’m only having a third child because I want a girl. Well guess what? The chances of having a girl dramatically decreased once I had two boys. I was well aware of this stat, and even before I had my first child, I always knew I wanted three kids (regardless of sex).
3. While having a child of each sex might be nice, so is having all same-gender kids. There is no formula or a hard set of facts that says having one gender is better than another. It’s really up to the parents and the siblings themselves to make each relationship reach its highest potential, regardless of sex.
Three boys, while no doubt it will be challenging at times, will be great! The level of energy in my house is already extremely high. I can only imagine what is coming. I’m excited for my boys to play together, learn together and grow up together…. I just hope the last part doesn’t happen to fast!
I think the best (and smartest) comment I ever heard a stranger say about my impending birth came from a six year old child. My kids were at a local playground and I got to chatting with one of the other mothers. We compared notes and realized that we both had two boys. I then mentioned to her that I’m actually expecting my THIRD BOY. Her son, who was happily climbing the playset must have been ease dropping (of course) and chimed in. He said “That’s so cool!” It just melted my heart… He was bang on. Having three boys is totally cool!!
Beautiful,so well said
Thank you! Appreciate the comment.
It is totally cool! And the best part is that it’s YOUR family so everyone else can just sod-off. 😉 How awesome for those boys to grow up playmates and friends. I have one of each and while it has it’s own perks, now that they are growing older, I am already seeing the division between boy & girl.
Haha! Appreciate the support Jenn. I am so hopeful that they will grow up to be close friends, but I guess there’s no guarantee in that either. For now at least, they share the same interests. Or at least my youngest wants to do everything that my older one does, so that helps 🙂
Well said! You’ll also save lots of money not having to buy a whole new wardrobe for a little girl;)
So true! Especially knowing me, I love buying clothes as is….
Completely understand — I’m the mom of 3 girls (youngest is 3mo). And you know what? I wouldn’t mind having another (regardless of sex).
That’s amazing. Good-for-you. If you can and want to, you totally should 🙂
You know thanks for bringing this sort of thing to peoples attention, mine included. While I think its great you’re having 3 kids, I would have been one to ask if you’re trying for a girl, not thinking a third boy is wrong, just seems great to have both. Now I’ll think about it differently, and the type of questions I’ll ask…congrats on having this 3rd great boy.
You’re right Erin, I’m sure most people’s intentions aren’t “bad” but some have this look of disappointment on their face that just throws me off. I guess the “Safe” question is to just ask “do you know what you’re having” and be happy for the person regardless of what the answer is! Thanks for your comment.
I used to answer that question “Do you know what you are having?” with “Well I hope it is a baby, I heard about a women in the south who had kittens!”
I only have one child but I was always bothered by the question “What are you hoping for?” when I was pregnant. My response was always the same “a healthy baby”. I was thrilled to be pregnant and was so excited to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl but not because I had a preference, I simply wanted to know because I was too eager to wait. 🙂 I had a couple of family members telling me “I hope it’s a girl!” and it always broke my heart. I know they love my son but it hurts when people imply that they were hoping for something different.
Congratulations on your third boy!
I can totally relate. We also wanted to know for all 3 pregnancies. Not because we cared what the gender was, but more along the lines of curiosity. And yes, I understand your comment regarding family members comments. I still get them and it’s like “Sorry I can’t please you by having the gender YOU want”… as if I have any control. So frustrating and annoying.
I feel like trying to make conversations with people today is pointless. There are just too many things out there that annoy people. I would ask the question to make polite conversation, and although I wouldn’t feel sorry for someone who has all one sex, I tend to think having both is just a nice experience. Articles/opinions like this one make me less likely to even talk to people about anything unless they are close to me. A simple, “hi, how are you, how is the weather?” Is the only safe thing to say. Anything else someone is liable to get exasperated or offended or annoyed.
I don’t really agree. While it’s still fine to ask a stranger where they purchase their clothes or their opinion about their kid products, some topics ARE off-limit, like someone’s salary or how much they paid for their house. That being said, talking about a baby’s gender isn’t off topic. However, choice of words is important. For example, you can ask “do you know what you’re having” instead of “are you hoping for a girl?”. The conversation will flow in a much different way, especially if it’s a sensitive topic. Just some food for thought. Thanks for your comment!
I agree with this! Questions worded in such a way put a person in a position where they feel they’re being pitied, or like they have to stand up for their life situation. There are ways to ask questions without putting people on the spot.
I have two boys and have been asked if I’ll want a third. That question’s fine. But asking if I’m going to “try for a girl” now suggests that I am not satisfied with the two boys I have, or that a third would only be worth it because there’s a chance for a girl.
Someone once asked me if my second boy was my “try for a girl”… as if he was a misfire or consolation prize! Yes, one of each is nice, but two of the same is also nice.
I have 2 boys… and that’s all I’ll ever be able to have. Yes, I was sure my 2nd was a girl… I wanted to have one of each to badly! But I have my two little men, and they mean the world to me. <3
I have twin girls (which invites a whole host of other crazy comments and inappropriate questions)… People always ask if we will try for a boy as if our family is incomplete without a son.
Congrats on your third boy!
Well said! I too have tree boys and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I am a mom of 3 boys and have had many comments over the years, even now and they are 29, 26 and 22. Things like..”Ohhhhh…that must have been hard, or “poor you”. I feel so lucky to have 3 wonderful caring loving boys, who do love me to bits as I do them. I would not trade them for a million girls. Worst comment I ever had was similar to yours. Just after I had my third, he was maybe two months old and a lady stopped me in the store (I had all of them with me). She said, “Oh what a cute little girl.” I said,”It is a boy”. She then said, ” Oh I am sorry.” What they heck?? Some people!
Congrats on expecting baby boy no. 3! I have 2 boys and LOVE them too bits! BUT…when I was pregnant with my second boy, my MOM was the one who gave me the most flack for expecting another boy. When I told her I was expecting another boy she sounded like a deflated balloon. My sister has a boy too so my mom wanted a girl. Now my sister is pregnant again and we are waiting to find out what she is expecting. She is happy having either but, again, my mom is all excited about having a girl, finally. It irritates me and my sister so much.
I loved your list. I to have three boys and have heard al of these comments. But for all the rude comments there have been some kind ones too. Words like “A boy always loves him Mama.” I think that the reasons for desiring one sex over the other are purely selfish. “I want a girl so I can dress her up” Or “I want a boy to carry on the family name.” or ” I want a girl to take care of me in my old age.” As mothers we are made to think of our children first and these reasons aren’t about our children but about ourselves. I think as parents we need to teach love and family to our children no matter what sex they are. I live on the other side of the world form my parents so it is my brother who is taking care of them. Love takes care of you in your old age, not only girls.The only selfish convenience in have three of the same sex is clothes and toy shopping! Plus I can call out “BOYS!” when I am looking for them and not “KIDS” (which I hate since they aren’t goats.)
Maya, your family is lovely, and I absolutely agree with your perspective. Each child is a blessing! Congratulations on another boy! Boys are totally cool 🙂 xoxo
I can understand how you feel. I am the mom of one little boy and I am often asked the question of when the next one is coming. When I say its just him i get the same reaction from people. i think it is wonderful you are having another boy. The toys are so much fun and I love the energy little boys bring to the table.
Congrats, lovely!!! You have a beautiful family! So very excited for you…and you are BLESSED! All boys is cool!! Kids are all blessings…no matter what gender. 🙂
I also have two boys and pretty sure we are going for baby #3 and that alone gets so many comments! “Three? Why would you want a third?!” How about none of your business. I also get the comments of “try for a girl”, honestly I love that they share hand me downs but it bothers me that everyone assumes we would have a third only in hopes of a girl this time how do they know we don’t want three boys! I love the idea of a big family regardless of sex and people should really keep their comments to themselves!
Congratulations! Three boys make an awesome family. 🙂 http://eastcoastmommyblog.blogspot.ca/2014/06/5-reasons-i-love-being-mom-of-boys.html
Great post! I have 2 boys myself and wouldn’t have it any other way. I get asked daily if we are going to try for a girl and the answer is NO!
Cool indeed to have 3 boys! I have 2 boys and my brother has 3 boys and it’s so fun to watch them all play! My oldest nephew also said when when my second boy was born! It really irks me too when people tell me I should try for a girl…no way! If I’m going to have another (which I’m not) it will be to have another child regardless of gender, besides incase people forgot…we Don’t get to choose & shouldn’t be playing roulette with precious little lives! My Mum who is a proud Gramma of 5 boys also gets peeved when people tell her she must wish she had a grand daughter…she says No I love all my boys to bits! I’m glad to hear there are people out there who are not obsessed with a particular gender! Thanks for sharing your feelings!
We have four girls, ages two, nearly five, nearly five (twins) and seven. Before knowing what I know now, I imagined that it would be nice to have both boys and girls – so I can understand sentiments to that effect. But now that we have them, I love the happy and inseparable little gang my husband and I have brought into the world; and I love that our house is filled with dollies, dress-up, singing, dancing, chaos, Lego – and cars and trains too. I think the universe gives us exactly what we need – or perhaps we learn to need exactly what the universe gives us.
We get comments aplenty about our little foursome from friends, family and strangers alike. Much of the jibing or mock-pity is directed at my husband. He just smiles and says it’s fantastic to be surrounded by beautiful women, or that he’ll be well looked-after in his old age. I don’t mind the comments either, not in the least. Rather, I welcome them. I am proud of our family, I love to talk about them, and I love the chance to send a zinger or two back in response. It is the art of conversation, which seems to be slowly withering in this world of tweeting, blogging, ranting, and political correctness. I really feel that most people are simply trying to connect in some way and are not intending to be unkind. Some people are, however, blessed with more graciousness than others. Regardless of their talent in this area or lack of, I would rather choose to see the best in everyone, have a private giggle or two at the more entertaining remarks, and not get my feathers all ruffled by an innocent and well-meaning person. It makes my day happier – and hopefully theirs too.
Congratulations on a new baby to love; you are one lucky mama! As the mom of 5 kids – 4 of which are boys – I always get asked if my only daughter was #5 and if I was “trying” for a girl. (She was #2, by the way.) Total strangers can be very nervy with their questions.
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