Originally, I was going to name this post “I finally have 2 jobs that I love, yet neither one of them pays”, but recently, I came to a different realization. At a blogging social media conference that I attended last weekend, I was overcome with emotion on my last day. While the speakers were great (actually…they were AMAZING), it wasn’t because of their stories or their inspiration that I was overcome with emotion. Rather, it was because I realized that I have strayed in the last few months.
At Blissdom 2013 Canada
I went to the conference in hopes of finding my blogging “aha” moment, figuring out the secrets of blogging that everyone but me knows and figuring out how to take my blog to the next level. Instead, the conference helped me get my priorities straight. I love blogging! I really, really do. In fact, it’s my passion. I’ve finally found it. It’s something that I work super-duper hard on out of my own motivation and spend hours on, on my free time, staying up till midnight almost every night, and it’s something I can’t stop talking about to just about anyone who will listen. But what got lost on me along the way is that blogging isn’t my priority. My kids are!
As a stay at home mom, it’s hard to “find” yourself. Your day is consumed by your rug-rats telling you where to be and what to do. It’s something that I choose to do and it also happens to be something that I love doing. But along the way, I also fell in love with blogging. Maybe it was my outlet, maybe it was a way for me to keep my mind “sharp” while not in the work-field and maybe, it was a way for me to communicate with other like-minded adults, even if it was online. Whatever it was, it was starting to come between me and my other job… my first job… my priority!
In the last several months, while at home with my kids, often I was not with them. Sure, I was in the same room with them, watching over them, keeping them safe and feeding them, and loving them, but I wasn’t always “in the moment” with them. I was too busy blogging! I was all consumed by it. I fell asleep thinking about blogging and woke up thinking about it. I was full of ideas for stories, how to improve my writing, how to pitch to brands, how to make more money from blogging, how to increase my readership, etc… It was stressful, yet fun. I truly enjoyed it…. until I realize that it was taking priority over my boys.
The thing I walked away with from the conference, was something that I already knew, but forgot along the way. It’s that family comes first. My boys come before blogging and it should always stay like that. I don’t want my boys to grow up and remember their days home with me being filled with me “working”. My work is to be with them, plain and simple. Worse, I don’t want them to grow up and learn from me and when I want to spend time with them, I don’t want them to respond back and say that they’re busy on their computer.
Maybe if you’re reading this you’re saying to yourself… ‘yeah, so what’s the point Maya? It’s easy to see that you were off’. But that’s just the point. I was so caught up in it, I didn’t see. Perhaps, by writing it down, it’s a way to keep myself in check. Since I returned from the conference I’ve vowed to myself to keep my two jobs separate. That doesn’t mean I can’t “take a break” and check on my blogging stuff while the kids are napping or playing nicely on their own. But not when my job is to interact with them, to guide them, to teach them, to read to them, to be their playmate, to chase them around my house in a race or to pretend we’re shopping or to play baseball or to get all geared up to be a hockey goalie. I want to be there in the moment with them and to relish in the years that I’ll never have back. I want to be able to look back in 5 or 10 years from now, and not have a single regret.
So I guess that even though I didn’t learn how to make a living off my blog or how to become the next famous blogger, I walked away with something even more valuable. I’m “mommy” first, and “mayahood” second. Even if that means I’m a little tired in the mornings…
Have you ever had to juggle two things that you loved so much? How did you do it? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciate.
Great post, Maya.
I, too, struggle with this. And you’re right – parenting comes first. Just don’t beat yourself up if you stray occasionally. Every Mom needs time to herself – especially those that are primary caregivers to their kids. Self-care is just as important as caring for others, so that you can be at your best when you are with them.
You are a fantastic Mom… always remember that!
Thanks Lisa! You’re right, I do have to look out for me too… it’s such a fine balance. If you figure it out, please let me know 🙂
This is so true! I work from home to stay with my kids and have been feeling like this lately. I’m here, but not really; I’m at the computer working while they’re doing something else. I think it’s very easy to lose perspective, especially since sometimes it’s the other way around and you neglect yourself because you’re too busy paying attention to everybody else. But in the end it’s all about balance, and yes, the kids ALWAYS come first. Thanks for reminding me too!
I think working from home with kids is probably the hardest thing ever, so I give you kudos for that. It’s definitely easy for the lines between work and play to become murky in your situation. But sounds like you’re doing an awesome job with your situation. Thanks for reminding me that I do need some time for myself too… that’s why I’m on right now. One kiddo is napping and the other is playing 🙂
This was a great post! 🙂 I have recently started blogging (around the end of May) and this struggle between being involved in the moment with your children, and blogging is something I’ve been dealing with too!
I thought it was just something I was dealing with as a new blogger, finding a schedule that worked for us (my daughter and I). Truth be told, there is never a schedule. There probably won’t ever be a schedule, because things can change in a heartbeat.
I find myself only blogging during naps and after bedtime, and I check in on social media/emails on my phone, occasionally while she plays on her own. If she decides she wants to play on her own, that’s when I’ll squeeze in some time on the computer. So my work schedule is different every day and I just have to roll with it.
Wishing you the best in finding what works for all of you! 🙂
I just wrote a similar post about “juggling” today! I think we just have to find the right balance. Learn to roll with things. Not take ourselves so seriously. Do what we love. Time is a fickle thing…especially when you’re a mom.
Great post.
Such great advice… glad to know I’m not alone. Off to read your post 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Thanks for your message Sarah. I can’t wait to check out your blog! You’re right, there is no schedule, especially when children are involved. My time = after the kids are in bed, which is why I’m usually up until midnight. Oh well, c’est la vie. It’s the best option I have right now, so it’ll have to do. Thanks for your words of encouragement. And please always remember YOU’RE NOT ALONE! If you struggle with something, I’m sure that hundred more mom’s feel it too. xoxo
Great post. Glad you came away from the conference with such an important self discovery. Maybe not what you had thought you’d learn but an even more important answer.
You couldn’t have said it any better. Totally not what I expected, but I guess, BETTER 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
I love this post Maya and I wish we had more time to chat at the conference. I think we said a quick hello and that was it 🙁
I too was on this mission to learn the secrets of how to make money while staying at home with the kids, becoming a better writer, etc.
I got teary eyed when my kids came running to me when they picked me up from the hotel. My 5 year old made a sign and everything “Welcome Home Mommy!” like she was picking me up at the airport and at that moment I knew that I had gotten lost too with this blogging thing.
It’s a constant struggle – balancing blogging and motherhood and I have no answers or tips for you. I’m flying by the seat of my pants most days 😉
But after a few weeks of reflection, I know what I want to do, where I want to go and it’s the same as you – family first, blog a very very close second. HA!
Cheryl!!! Thank you so much for your comment. I truly wish we did have more time to speak! Misery loves company or at least, it’s nice to know I’m not alone! If you do figure things out, please let me know. Ever since Blissdom, I’ve challenged myself to put away the phone while I’m with the kiddos. I’d say I’ve been successful overall, but there’s definitely some moments where I’m on it during “their” time. No one said it would be easy, but I’m trying….